Saturday, April 1, 2017

Let's make America great again!

Et tu Brute?
Much like any lady, a gentleman also has the
perogative to change his mind. Hence while
some of you may find the content of today's
missive surprising, I've had a change of heart.
For many reasons I'm starting to believe that
Donald J. Trump may be the best thing that
has ever happened to America. It's tough to
explain exactly why but oddly like a boil or
wart he's growing on me. Just thinking about
him makes me smile and grow all warm and
fuzzy inside. Of course that could be due to
an outbreak of horrific black mold growing
deep within. But I prefer to be optimistic.
Fine and dandy
You have to admit he's awfully cute. I've
decided to adapt my look to emulate dear
Don's. One can't help but admire a man
confident enough to sport a perpetual tan.
Yet it's what rises above that tops it all off.
His golden coif is more than proof that any
cock can rule the roost with a good comb.
Then there are his hands... delicate, petite,
yet sprite. Mr. Big's digits are hands down
confirmation that size does NOT matter.
Soon you may see thousands of Donald
clones like me across America. However
most may be hidden under KKK sheets...
Child support
Don't you just love his kids? I find it refreshing
that President Trump trusts them enough to give
them complete access to our secrets. I wanna
give Ivanka a great big hug and say how proud
I am that she got where she is with absolutely no
credentials. Somebody has to look after father
given Don Junior and Eric are out and about
leveraging his assets. How do they do it? Well
with our tax dollars of course! How special is it?
We get to pay to protect and transport them as
they follow in their Dad's footsteps to all sorts
of limited access growth opportunities. As an
American I'm proud to invest in their futures!
Maid to order
Ultimately Momma Melania trumps ALL!
Our First Lady is obviously a devoted wife.
That can be the only reason she's always
just a step or two behind her golden boy.
She's also a devoted Mother given she opts
to stay far away from Washington rather
than hang with hubby. It has to be a full
time job keep that mausoleum tidy. Yet
something tells me she's used to cleaning
up other's messes. Over the years Melania
has always been a model of restraint. And
from the look on her face, she's had a hell
of a time since the election. You go girl!
Build it and they won't come
On this first day of April, I find comfort in
the knowledge that our first family has their
own interests at heart. Somehow I hope that
someday, - some of their good fortune may
rub off on us. I really wish all of those silly
naysayers who keep exposing the truth would
leave President Trump and his administration
alone. Due to their silly constitutional delays,
millions of terrorists are crossing our borders
on a daily basis. Meanwhile our air is still
clean as our coal resources sit fallow. We've
got pipelines to lay over the graves of your
ancestors. So please get out of our way!
Thou doest protest too much
Please don't get me started about those crazy
protestors! Imagine standing up for the rights
of all Americans when so many white folks
can't maintain their trailers in the style they've
become accustomed to. I'm not even going to
mention those damned queers. Imagine their
nerve! They want folks like us to accept them
for who they really are. Meanwhile we've got
MUCH bigger problems. Did you know that
some billionaires still have to pay taxes?!. Or
that many terminally ill people still think they
have a right to health insurance?! The reason
we're in trouble is everyone's fault but ours!
Angel unaware
Last but not least lets talk of dear Vladimir.
My little "putti" as I call him is the sweetest
of tyrants. No wonder he and Don get along
so well. What's the big deal about two big
shots cutting a deal under the table? Isn't
that business as usual? I see nothing wrong
with insider trading - especially if it involves
getting confidential information about one's
political adversaries. Thank God our new
leader only focuses on whats best for him.
Democracy is so last year. Demagoguery
is the way to make America great again!