Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The skinny on a healthy diet

Pyramid scheme
Most of us try to eat healthy. From birth on
our mothers shoveled what was supposed to
be good for us down our throats. The issue
being that while there are some constants -
most of the rules constantly change. Thus it
seems that beyond a daily Happy Meal the
benefit of almost everything can be argued.
Yet in truth staying up on the latest healthy
food trends is akin to a hamster on a treadmill.
You try and try but never get anywhere. That's
my primary excuse for why I continue to battle
my bulge. Well... that and the fact I've never
met a cocktail or donut I didn't adore!
The weakest link
Who likes Quinoa? Theres a reason why said
"ancient" grain disappeared from popularity
eons ago. In theory it provides almost all that's
good for you. Gluten free, high in protein, and
one of the few edibles that has all of the nine
essential amino acids built in. Yet it's missing
one key component - TASTE. Downing a bowl
of quinoa is akin to consuming sawdust. Ugly,
weird sawdust. What's even more frustrating is
that post such a repast one ends up with what
I call quinoa mouth. Every nook and crevice
of one's teeth are packed with the little suckers.
Which while good for you... ain't pretty.
Part of the whole
Be assured that I've no problem with whole
grains. The truth is I rather enjoy a bit of
toasted roughage with my breakfast. That is
as long as it's slathered with french butter.
I've come to savor and appreciate the nutty
taste of brown rice so going natural is not a
problem for me. Here in New York one can
get the stuff everywhere. Yet when applied
to the art of sushi making - even a lover like
myself questions if we've taken this healthy
chic trend a bit too far. In our compulsion
to do the right thing we often end up going
off in the wrong direction.
Let's get real
I may be in denial but some classics shouldn't
be altered even if said shift in strategy is good
for us. There's nothing like a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich. Especially when it's crafted of
the proper elements. Jif peanut butter, Welch's
grape jelly, and Wonder bread. The same also
applies to macaroni and cheese. One can blend
organic milk, butter, and gourmet cheeses with
whole wheat pasta for a lovely meal. However
NOTHING beats a batch of Kraft macaroni
and cheese straight out of the box. Hence as
Mae West once wisely advised, bad can be
awfully good if not even better...
The good, the bad, and the ugly
Recently I saw a TV report outlining some new
dangers from weight gain. The results indicated
that added pounds post fifty may to limit one's
life span. Thus in theory, my time will come to
an end sooner than my skinny friends. As with
Frank's theory that diet soda makes one fat - I
must admit that one doesn't see many corpulent
folks in their late eighties. Part of me thinks that
is just fine given they've indulged themselves
and thus must have led rather happy lives. So
I'm starting to rebel against the idea of healthy
eating. Especially as a proper diet hasn't helped
me lose any weight. Is there a better way?
Theres a butter way...
Inevitably somebody will prove me right so
I'm announcing my findings on the benefits
of over indulgence. After years of in-depth
trial and error I can confirm the following.
Number one - anything made of fois gras
makes me happy. Number two - butter will
enhance anything it is applied to. Number
three - meat is an essential component of
any carnivore diet. Number four - fish, and
poultry benefit from a liberal application
of butter. Number five - heavy cream has
been found to reduce stress. Number six -
organic kale tastes better with butter on it.
Eat, drink, and be merry
I accept the fact that we are what we eat. But I
won't be sentenced to a lifetime of deprivation
simply because some scientific edict suggests
I shouldn't have what I want. Hence much like
our President and his new EPA's position on
global warming, I reject any suggestion that
all that I crave is bad for me. Instead I prefer
to risk the long term consequences as I indulge
in all that makes me happy. While in theory
such over-the-top repasts could possibly be my
last meal, I prefer to literally butter my bread
in the manner I'm accustomed to. Better to die
young and happy than old, bitter, and healthy!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017


Farewell tour
It's been said that fame is fleeting. Yet many
"stars" continue to entertain us for decades
often far beyond the point of propriety. Like
most victims of circumstance they cling on
to hope as they pile on the pancake makeup.
Rather than leave the party early, they hang
till the bitter end. Which somehow makes
me very sad given they've spent their lives
trying to make a lasting impression. Only to
ultimately be sadly and completely forgotten.
One can only hope that they had a good time
while it lasted. How quickly we FORGET.
Talk about love lost... What a waste.
Who's who?
This morning one of my favorite blogs posted
the picture shown to the right. Querying those
who viewed it to the identity of the mystery
lady shown. Quickly an expert on the obscure
had the answer. Irene Bordoni was once the
toast of Broadway. The quintessential Parisian
who was so famous that Cole Porter paid her
homage in the original lyrics of "You're The
Top." Long before Americans even knew about
Piaf this lady was belting out hits with a french
twist. All while she leveraged her star power by
investing in Manhattan and Palm Beach property.
Then retired while still on the top of the heap.
Exit strategy
Sadly few if any remember Irene. Aside from
a few snippets of film and some random 78's
there little is left to recall her talent. The fact
is stars come and go. Fortunately a few like
Irene know when to give it up. Greta Garbo
was the greatest star in the world. Then she
realized her career was about to decline. So
Greta quit and never looked back. Sadly most
of our greatest luminaries fizzle right before
our eyes. Whether that's due to a need to earn
cash or a fear of any attention deficit depends
on the individual. Yet amongst such wreckage
there are some who succeed against all odds.
Work in progress
Like it or not celebrities are human. Hence
they experience the same highs and lows
as we do. Historically I was never a fan of
Jane Fonda. In part because I was unable
to figure out who she truly was. Initially
she was a pop art icon in Barbarella. Next
a rebel named Hanoi Jane. Then an angry
child in On Golden Pond. And in between
she taught Americans aerobics. Slowly but
surely I came to love this child of another
Hollywood star. Not only is Jane a survivor,
she bravely evolves in her own time. Against
any pre-concieved notions others may have.
Better than ever
How can you NOT adore her? At seventy
nine she's obviously still having plenty of
fun. Which is in my opinion the only way
to round out one's career. Which causes me
to question my own exit strategy. For three
years I didn't work at all. Frankly I enjoyed
said respite immensely. Yet I've opted to
return into the fray. Mostly because I felt
I still had something to contribute. Now
that I'm back in the saddle I'm still trying
to find my way. But deep down I know that
I'm moving in the right direction. My only
question is where will it all end?
Finish line
Nobody thinks about such things when we're
ingenues. Instead we capriciously react to any
challenge at hand. Sometimes we win, often
we lose. Yet no matter what happens we learn
something. The amalgam of our experiences
makes us better than ever - even if we're a little
rough on the edges. How are you maximizing
the benefits of all of the lessons you've learned?
Happiness is more than simply resting on one's
laurels. It's certain that soon we'll be gone and
forgotten. However theres still time to make our
world a better place. How will you make a final
and lasting impression?

Monday, July 24, 2017

What's your rush anyway?

Heat zone
I'll admit that I'm still adjusting to summer
in the city post three summers spent in non-
humid Central Montana. This concrete jungle
sizzles and smolders due to a mix of extreme
temperatures and over the top humidity. Plus
it doesn't help that space is limited and there
are plenty of folks trying to beat the heat. Each
morning I have a choice. Either I walk one and
a half miles to the office or ride the subway a
few stops. Both options are workouts therefore
neither allow me to cool my heels. In essence
I must choose between the lesser of two evils.
Each guaranteed to make me break into a sweat.
Dampened outlook
Once I arrive at the office I'm rather sodden.
So I sit in front of a fan for fifteen or twenty
minutes to blow off some steam. Soon I'm
back to my old tricks meaning that I'm cold
then hot then cold etc. By the end of the day
I've chilled enough to face the elements once
again. However I choose to return to home
one thing is certain. And that is that I'll be in
the shower within five minutes of arrival. In
theory all of the above should have some sort
of benefit. Yet to date my scale indicates that
whatever I'm doing between my commute via
steam bath is NOT burning any calories.
Leader of the pack
One would think that during the summer most
New Yorkers would turn down the heat. Yet I'm
amazed at how many folks continue to push the
speed limit. By our jaded nature we urbanites are
oblivious to the rest of the pack. In our singular
focus to get wherever we want to go, many push
and jostle to the head of the line. However at
some point one has to question whether arriving
a few minutes before the rest of us is worth the
effort. Somehow I find the very idea of running
within the context of ninety degrees plus eighty
five percent humidity an exercise of futility.
Why can't we chill?
Fast and furious
Theres a reason they call it rush hour. Mostly
because at least half of those walking New
York's streets are in a hurry to get where they
are going. The majority of which are not locals.
Rather they're temporary transients from any
where but here on a mission. Be that to get to
and from the office or check off something on
their list as quickly as possible. Which is fine
for them but not necessarily comfortable for
anybody who gets in their way. While there
have been times in my life when I would have
rather enjoyed a bump or grind with a stranger
I don't enjoy doing so on a busy street corner.
Out of line
This morning an obvious posterior cavity
banged into me in a rush to get there first.
My dear mother would have called him
"pushy" but in response I muttered a bit
more colorful moniker under my breath.
Obviously he felt that he was much more
important than the rest of us. Therefore
he had the right of way against all odds.
Suddenly I understood the motivation of
another New Yorker - our President. Post
a lifetime of pushing all others aside he's
finally made it. Yet deep down does Don
know that he doesn't deserve to be there?

Sunday, July 23, 2017

7th Day Surprise: PINK POWER

Can you feel it?

I don't know what it is about pink.
From an early age
most girls are strangely attracted to it.
However one might argue
that nothing makes a man look more manly
than the counterpoint of a pink polo.
My advice?