Thursday, June 11, 2015


Dog days
The weather is fairly unpredictable
in Central Montana. Winters are long,
summers hot, spring brief, and fall
virtually non existent. Until recently
this spring has been chilly. However
all that changed a few days ago. And
since then our highs have been in the
high eighties. Suddenly it's August in
June. Proof that there absolutely can
be too much of a good thing? Hence
this old dog is feeling the heat and
quite hot under his collar. Maybe
that's why I'm dreaming of snow...
Man about town
Whether due to global warming or
not, it's definitely getting warmer
in Montana. Historically one had
little need for air conditioning. In
the old days - even if the daytime
high was hotter than hell, evening
temperatures dropped down to the
high forties post sundown. Given
I was wearing a jacket a week ago,
this sudden change in temperature
has me climactically challenged.
And then of course there is my
bad case of "MAN-O-PAUSE"!
Less is more
When did I become a fat man with
sweat running down his forehead?!
Somehow I morphed into the type
of guy I once abhorred. If karma
is a bitch - one only needs to look
at my sodden shirt for proof that
what goes around comes around.
Why can't I rise above it and like
Jay Gatsby look "incredibly cool."
Sadly my comfort zone disappears
once the thermometer hits eighty.
And soon like the wicked witch
of the west "I'M MELTING!"
Bare essentials
Historically I would already have
stripped down to my briefs. Given
my girth plus the ravages of time
and gravity, that isn't necessarily a
pretty picture. Now that we live in
the most popular tourist attraction
in town, it's really not smart to trot
about the house au naturale. And
while our drive by voyeurs might
be entertained, it's best that I limit
my performances to the privacy of
our bedroom. While it may be hot
I have embraced that I am NOT.
Comfort zone
In the process of restoring our home,
air conditioning seemed to make no
sense. Now I must admit that the last
few nights have me questioning that
decision. It seemed foolish to invest
in something we'd use two or three
weeks a year at most. Yet in my now
dampened state I'll admit to a sudden
change of heart as relates to HVAC.
I need to CHILL OUT. And while
this soon shall pass, I have little to
no patience nor enough dry laundry
to ride out this torturous heat wave.
Automatic transmission
Frankly I've been tempted to just
hop into my car. Not because I've
got anywhere to go but rather to
cool off with it's air conditioning
on MAX. For reasons unbeknownst
to me, my body reaches some sort
of a boiling point of no return. The
only way to counteract said crisis
is a quick dip or ride around the
block. Fortunately even my ass
can chill with seat "cooling"! Thus
I'm tempted to ride out this heat
wave in the comfort of our garage!
Off the deep end
I should just take a cold shower. Or
better yet a nice long bath. Sadly
given we still lack proper cleaning
staff - I would just have to clean up
after myself which would cause me
to break into another sweat. During
August I would consider tubing
down Spring Creek. But due to all
the rain and mountain snow still
melting, it's flooded. Sans proper
boundaries a watery journey might
lead me to places that even I don't
want to go. So I'll stay at home.
Support hose
Maybe I should turn on the sprinkler.
My eldest daughter "E" used to love
her "Slip n' Slide". She and the entire
neighborhood would frolic in it's cool
spray for hours! One of my fondest
childhood memories is of my father
joining me in my kiddie pool at the
end of his work day. Before modern
air conditioning, one can only imagine
how refreshing that was. Somehow
the heat makes us slow down and if
nothing else, smell the roses while
we water them. SPRAY AWAY!!