Wednesday, July 17, 2013



Boot Camp
I've lived through many "challenges" during my time here on earth. At this point of my life I'm ready to take on almost anything. As you know, I've hired a personal trainer to lead me through my self-improvement odyssey. It's a pricey proposition that will consume 120 minutes of my week. My decision to start this regimen was simple - I need to lose fifty pounds in order to look and feel better. While committed, I can't do it on my own. I need help!
Positive enforcement
Fortunately I found the perfect leader
for my journey and her name is Amanda.
Like an adult dealing with a naughty and
distracted toddler, she has the patience to
get me to next. While I want to look better, that is not what this is about. Somehow I know deep down that this experience will deliver so much more. Therefore I'm willing to learn, grow, stretch, press, sweat, ache, and LOSE!
Talk about a stretch
To say I arrived at the gym this morning with trepidation would be beyond an understatement. Frankly I was terrified that I was going to be publicly tortured and mortified. Upon meeting Amanda face-to-face, her calm demeanor put me at ease. I suggested that my presence alone was a remarkable feat in and of itself. Therefore didn't that count as a first day workout? Amanda immediately laughed and quickly shifted my attention to doing a series of stretching exercises. Sometimes the simplest things are the hardest like touching one's toes with one's fingertips. It quickly became apparent that I am not limber. As a Taurus, flexibility is not my best suit. As an athlete, flexibility definitely does not come naturally. I am one stiff mess!
I'll drink to that!
As I was stretching, Amanda began to subtly weave in a series of questions about my eating and drinking habits. While a bit surprised about my daily vino intake (the end result of which was giggling before her), my new master negotiated a dramatic reduction down to one glass of wine per day. After my Lenten abstinence, I truly don't think that will be hard. While I certainly enjoy the feeling during consumption, I'd prefer to avoid that morning after feeling.
True confessions.
Since we're in this mess together, it's important that Amanda understands who I am. From the start I was clear that I loathe exercise and would need her to focus and motivate me. In addition that I'm also a wimp when it comes to anything strenuous. However with the proper handling, I'm actually willing to try anything. Finally at the right moment, I tipped my gay card. Amanda immediately lit up and released her inner "you go girl"!
Cleaning up my act
There's a reason I picked a female trainer. That's because the last thing I need are distractions from my task at hand. Not only is staring at your trainer's ass unprofessional, it shifts one's focus away from what's truly important. Given my torso resembles a lava lamp, I prefer to avoid the locker room. The horror of hitting the showers amidst a sea of toned toffs is avoided given the Core Club is connected to my building. Post torture I can clean up at home in privacy. I'm doing everything possible to make this work. Keep your fingers crossed...