Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Chew on this.


I'm mortified.
Today's workout was truly an exercise
in shame and regret. Frankly the only
one to blame for my pathetic condition
is myself. For years I focused on building
a successful life, career, and relationship.
However, I never exercised. Now I've
finally decided to try and get healthy.
That means that I'm reduced to a shaking
puddle of sweat for an hour twice a week.
I'm pathetic.
All of my life, I've never liked
exercise. I loathed physical
education. So I tortured my
mother and finally she had
my doctor write a letter that
excused me from gym classes.
Instead I exercised my mind.
I'm sorry.
In eighth grade I went on a church boy's camp out. A group of us hiked deep into the woods and I hated every moment of it. It was beyond a painful experience. So much so that my body rebelled against the physical effort. Every inch of me cramped up. I was one gigantic spasm and I literally couldn't move. Being a butch young boy,
I cried and moaned and sobbed. Finally our leader figured out how to have me air lifted out of the woods by helicopter. Looking back, why didn't an adult stand up to me? I'M A PATHETIC PANSY!
I'm inconsistent.
As a young man I was so skinny that
I drank "weight shakes". When I was
married my weight was 165 pounds.
A lover of the good life, I packed on the
pounds. Post divorce, I lost fifty pounds
and fifty percent of my assets. Only to
gain it all back and more and then lose
it by doing four miles a day on the tread
mill, drinking Slim Fast, and taking diet
pills. I'M A YO-YO-DIETER.
I'm ready.
I hate the gym. I hate exercise. I hate dieting. I hate deprivation of any kind. Most important, I hate the way I look and feel. So while ashamed, mortified, weak, sorry, and inconsistent, I'm ready, resolved, and committed to getting my act together. I am embarrassed that
I allowed myself to get in this condition through indulgence and inactivity.
Now it's time that I take responsibility and I'm doing my best to do just that. I'm ready to change one day at a time.