For the majority of my adult life I've been half
of a pair. Not only do I love another's company,
I find that such an alignment helps to make me
a better man. Since the day we met, Frank has
pushed me to new places whether I liked it or
not. The result being an enhanced existence all
due to my better half. All the more apparent if
and when I'm on my own without his guidance,
leadership, and company. I'm like a lost lamb
wandering this city in search of his shepherd.
And little is as pathetic as a lonely, fat, and old
man searching for something to do on his own.
Which reminds me of how much I miss Frank.
Misery loves company. Hence I quickly realized
that I am NOT alone. Wherever I go I encounter
fellow wayward souls. Each in futile pursuit of
whatever they think will fill their lingering voids.
Some haunt the aisles of Bergdorf and Barney's
trying to satiate their loneliness via conspicuous
consumption. Others belly up to the bar in order
to capriciously eavesdrop in on other people's
conversations. Then of course there are the jocks
who jog through the park as they work things
out. If nothing else this city can be the loneliest
place on earth. Even when one's isolation is due
to self-exile. Is life a game of hide and seek?!
Road less traveled
You see, I simply don't want to fraternize with
the locals. There is no doubt that I've got lots
of friends. All of whom are more than willing
to fill my dance card in a heartbeat. However
my problem is that I'm really not interested in
mixing it up. Thus my self-imposed exile is
rather selfish given I absolutely do NOT have
to go it alone. So why do I purposefully isolate
myself? Simply because nothing can fill the
gaping hole left by the absence of my better
half. And even if I accept and celebrate all of
the reasons why we're apart - all I want is to
have him by my side twenty four seven.
I've no reason to feel the way I do. Few if any
are as lucky as I am to have such an amazing
man to share my life with. We're in a blessed
minority who are able to split life between
Manhattan and Montana. Therefore I've no
reason to resent the fact that Frank is able
to spend half his time in Lewistown. And in
theory, I'm glad that he can do so. My issue
is my frustration over the fact that in doing
so, he isn't with me. Let's face facts. I'm a big
boy - literally and figuratively. Therefore I've
no excuse for not giving my honey whatever
he needs to be happy. But... what about me?
I get the theory of no pain - no gain. Thus
I can easily rationalize why I'm in the spot
I'm in. This hiatus has a limited time span
and clear objective. Hence I've no reason
to be miserable given ultimately it should
all be worth it. Therefore I need to make
the most of it and stop feeling sorry for
myself. Within two weeks I'll be back in
my baby's arms. And a month later, he'll
be here in Manhattan for some "us" time.
Come fall we'll be together full time and
all of my isolation will be a thing of the
past. And we'll both be the better for it...