Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Spring Awakening

In full bloom
Forget April in Paris. Springtime in
New York is quite amazing. After a
long... may I repeat looong... winter,
suddenly spring has arrived in all
of it's glory. A few days above forty
and it seems as if every Bradford
Pear is now in full bloom across the
city. Like fluffy constellations of
butterflies they float above as one
trods the pavement. Every planting
bed and planter is filled with sunny
daffodils and fragrant hyacinth.
My God isn't it fabulous!?
Allergy attack
However, with the good comes
the bad and the ugly. Besides the
posies something else blossomed
in Manhattan and it's NOT pretty.
The other day we had errands to
run. Haircuts, watch repairs, etc.
Given we live in mid town, our
local haunts are local. We ventured
onto Fifth Avenue. It was packed
with that dreaded urban vermin,
TOURISTS. Like black mold they
have suddenly appeared and there
is no getting rid of them. ORKIN!
Repeat performance
I realize we've chatted about this
prior but I must work through it
again. Somehow there are more
tourists this year. Could there be
a Village Idiot Convention here
in town this week? Maybe that's
why visiting visitors seem to do
the silliest things. Like a herd of
ferule cats, they roam this town
oblivious to all around. Our city
is under siege, and I must report
the locals have lost the battle.
Time to hit The Hamptons!
Ground for dismissal
Why do they walk five across on
a crowded sidewalk? Does that
make navigational sense? What
type of parent risks immersing
their tiny tots into a boiling brew
of humankind? Unless a stroller
is armor plated, somebody will
get hurt! What's worst is when
a pack of them stops dead in the
middle of the pavement. Could
huddling be an ancient Japanese
custom? They should be ticketed
for inertia. It's a public nuisance!
Stop and shop
They're everywhere. Just like
cockroaches they've infiltrated
every nook and cranny. One
can easily spot them lined up
like lambs at the crosswalk.
Yesterday I was transporting
a rather heavy load and was
not quite nimble. I waited as
these far flung fools watched
for the flashing sign to allow
them to cross the empty street.
How does one get anywhere
in Akron? THEY DRIVE!
Time to move along?
Even I question whether it's worth
the angst to swim against the tide
and shop at Bergdorf Goodman.
It's four blocks away, but what
must the West Village hipsters be
thinking? While I'm certain they
have their own swarm of souvenir
hunters, why would anyone travel
uptown only to subject themselves
to tourist torture? Bergdorf's may
have to move to somewhere these
travelers will never, ever visit...
The Grand Concourse anyone?