Saturday, April 19, 2014

Off the wagon...

End of the line
After over forty long (mostly dry)
days, my annual season of sobriety
has finally ended. While I avoided
many of the loop holes Catholics
can leverage during Lent, I did fall
off the wagon a few times. First to
help celebrate Frank's baby brother's
birthday at Twenty One. Then one
evening at Le Cirque. And finally
some Sunday sips given one is off
the hook according to Rome. In the
end I was able to limit my liquidity.
But honestly, thank God it's over!
Over draft
Now that it's past, I'm not quite sure
what I'm going to do tonight. We're
dining out and the concept of getting
"merde face" appeals. However I'm
not quite ready for the morning after.
It seems that once one gets off that
wagon, one's ability to consume en
masse fades away. I can't decide if
I'm ready for a sip or two of booze.
Like it or not I feel better sober. My
poor liver enjoyed it's toxic respite.
Hence the spring in my step during
my hallowed holiday from hooch.
Who needs this?
It's rare that something good for you
actually feels that good. However it
seems that many forms of deprivation
usually take one to a better place. All
one needs is the fortitude to make it
over the initial hump. While I adore
an occasional cocktail, I've confirmed
that I can live without it. My dilemma
is dealing with something I can't live
without like FOOD. If I delve deep
within myself I must admit that food
plays a role more than sustenance...
comfort is what I really crave.
More is more
The fact is I adore decadence. My issue
is that in the case of cuisine, I can't get
enough of a good thing. For me a meal
is a multi sensory experience. Nothing
is as comforting than immersing oneself
in the smells, tastes, and textures of a
gourmand feast. Not only does it satisfy
the stomach, it soothes the soul. When
I've lost weight, the only way I could do
so was to remove myself from the table.
Half portions simply don't work for me.
I lack the will to resist a second helping
of all that is bad for me. I want it ALL.
Money matters
The same applies to fiscal matters.
There was a time when I couldn't
earn enough to fuel my needs. As
we build our lives, we capriciously
assemble all sorts of responsibilities.
Sadly few have little idea of what
the amalgam of said commitments
actually adds up to. Suddenly one
is saddled with a depth and breadth
of maintenance issues that require
deep pockets. For years I had to do
anything possible to keep ahead.
Today I wonder, was it worth it?
Deep dive
I'm finally at a phase in life where
it seems that all of the pressures to
succeed have subsided. My kids are
now grown and like it or not, must
build their own lives just as we did.
My parent's are gone along with a
plethora of familial responsibilities.
I'm loved by one who accepts (and
celebrates) who I am. All of this
has created a level of comfort that
is quite unique within my lifespan.
Finally I'm able to step back and
ask myself what do I want to do.
Going my way
Imagine if one could step away for
a sabbatical of strategic abstinence?
Could you walk away from all of
the competition, stress, constraints,
and challenges of a corporate life?
Could I move to Montana, and if
I did, would that link me to all of
the answers I crave? All I know is
that Lewistown is quite affordable.
We'd live in glorious isolation and
only do what was right for us! If
I could make that dream reality I'd
saddle up and hit the trail! Giddyup!