Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The skinny on a healthy diet

Pyramid scheme
Most of us try to eat healthy. From birth on
our mothers shoveled what was supposed to
be good for us down our throats. The issue
being that while there are some constants -
most of the rules constantly change. Thus it
seems that beyond a daily Happy Meal the
benefit of almost everything can be argued.
Yet in truth staying up on the latest healthy
food trends is akin to a hamster on a treadmill.
You try and try but never get anywhere. That's
my primary excuse for why I continue to battle
my bulge. Well... that and the fact I've never
met a cocktail or donut I didn't adore!
The weakest link
Who likes Quinoa? Theres a reason why said
"ancient" grain disappeared from popularity
eons ago. In theory it provides almost all that's
good for you. Gluten free, high in protein, and
one of the few edibles that has all of the nine
essential amino acids built in. Yet it's missing
one key component - TASTE. Downing a bowl
of quinoa is akin to consuming sawdust. Ugly,
weird sawdust. What's even more frustrating is
that post such a repast one ends up with what
I call quinoa mouth. Every nook and crevice
of one's teeth are packed with the little suckers.
Which while good for you... ain't pretty.
Part of the whole
Be assured that I've no problem with whole
grains. The truth is I rather enjoy a bit of
toasted roughage with my breakfast. That is
as long as it's slathered with french butter.
I've come to savor and appreciate the nutty
taste of brown rice so going natural is not a
problem for me. Here in New York one can
get the stuff everywhere. Yet when applied
to the art of sushi making - even a lover like
myself questions if we've taken this healthy
chic trend a bit too far. In our compulsion
to do the right thing we often end up going
off in the wrong direction.
Let's get real
I may be in denial but some classics shouldn't
be altered even if said shift in strategy is good
for us. There's nothing like a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich. Especially when it's crafted of
the proper elements. Jif peanut butter, Welch's
grape jelly, and Wonder bread. The same also
applies to macaroni and cheese. One can blend
organic milk, butter, and gourmet cheeses with
whole wheat pasta for a lovely meal. However
NOTHING beats a batch of Kraft macaroni
and cheese straight out of the box. Hence as
Mae West once wisely advised, bad can be
awfully good if not even better...
The good, the bad, and the ugly
Recently I saw a TV report outlining some new
dangers from weight gain. The results indicated
that added pounds post fifty may to limit one's
life span. Thus in theory, my time will come to
an end sooner than my skinny friends. As with
Frank's theory that diet soda makes one fat - I
must admit that one doesn't see many corpulent
folks in their late eighties. Part of me thinks that
is just fine given they've indulged themselves
and thus must have led rather happy lives. So
I'm starting to rebel against the idea of healthy
eating. Especially as a proper diet hasn't helped
me lose any weight. Is there a better way?
Theres a butter way...
Inevitably somebody will prove me right so
I'm announcing my findings on the benefits
of over indulgence. After years of in-depth
trial and error I can confirm the following.
Number one - anything made of fois gras
makes me happy. Number two - butter will
enhance anything it is applied to. Number
three - meat is an essential component of
any carnivore diet. Number four - fish, and
poultry benefit from a liberal application
of butter. Number five - heavy cream has
been found to reduce stress. Number six -
organic kale tastes better with butter on it.
Eat, drink, and be merry
I accept the fact that we are what we eat. But I
won't be sentenced to a lifetime of deprivation
simply because some scientific edict suggests
I shouldn't have what I want. Hence much like
our President and his new EPA's position on
global warming, I reject any suggestion that
all that I crave is bad for me. Instead I prefer
to risk the long term consequences as I indulge
in all that makes me happy. While in theory
such over-the-top repasts could possibly be my
last meal, I prefer to literally butter my bread
in the manner I'm accustomed to. Better to die
young and happy than old, bitter, and healthy!