Thursday, January 21, 2016


What the buck?
Apparently we've got a man problem
here in Central Montana. It seems that
many local males are beyond sartorially
challenged. Specifically as relates to
dressing formally. As you know, the
Lewistown Downtown Association is
hosting the PAINT THE TOWN RED
GALA on Saturday, Feb 13th at the
Yogo Inn. Our dress code - "Black tie
optional, cocktail fabulous mandatory"
is apparently confusing the boys. Thus
the need for a dressing the part tutorial.
So buckle up gentleman and giddyup!
Over all
Given this night of nights involves strutting
one's stuff, we very purposefully clarified
clothing requirements. Otherwise chances
were one might see their neighbor hitting
the dance floor in overalls and muck boots.
Living in an agricultural community, most
local men pride themselves on being manly.
But I had no idea that many of their ladies
have little to no control over their significant
others. Specifically when it comes to getting
their bulls to a ball. So I thought I'd offer up
some advice on how to help those who dost
protest too much... man up! Here we go...
Easy does it
The easiest formal option is a classic tuxedo.
Don's Store rents them for a nominal fee and
is currently offering a 15% discount to any
gala attendee. All a man has to do is walk in,
pick their poison, get measured, ante up, and
post delivery, put their clothes on. They even
rent evening shoes. This solution is a total no
brainer as is the fact that almost any member
of the male species looks fabulous wearing a
"monkey suit." But hurry - your order must
be in before February 1st! Honestly boys, if
looking handsome challenges your manhood,
maybe you're a horse of a different color!
Off the hip
If you want to release his inner hipster,
all you need to do is go half and half.
Formal on the top - sexy jeans on the
bottom. We've all seen this for years
on the red carpet. Given everybody is
seeing red at the PAINT THE TOWN
RED GALA - such an modern look is
sure to place him in the in crowd. If he
doesn't want to go totally uptown, he
can also wear a dark suit jacket or even
a velvet blazer with his jeans. Layering
a vest and adding a bow tie will literally
finish him off... if you don't that is.
The way of the west
Here in Montana, it's rather easy to pony
up. Anybody can be a cowboy if they've
got the right accessories. Obviously you
have two options - head to toe tuxedo or
hipster combination. Add a pair of black
cowboy boots to either and suddenly they
get sexier. Top it off with a black cowboy
hat and wow... ride em' cowgirls! A red
bandana in your tuxedo jacket pocket is
sure to add some local color. The only
thing hanging those boys back are their
own inhibitions. C'mon girls... do what
you do best and dress them your way!
Best bib n' tucker
I've often said men are pigs but I like pork.
However if he really wants to put on the
whole hog any man can go cowboy all the
way. That could be as simple as a fancy
western vest, bolo tie, and black jeans. Of
course that plus the requisite cowboy boots
and hat. Donning such duds gives almost
anybody a bit of swagger. So no excuses,
there's something for everybody. After all
Valentine's Day is all about showing the
love. If he can't get dressed up for you one
night a year... make him sleep out in the
barn or chicken house where he belongs!
Closet case
While most males in Montana think that
the only occasion to wear a suit is laying
in a box or attending another's funeral -
most have one hanging in the back of
their closets. Or one of their father's or
gramps is hiding somewhere in the attic.
If nothing else a dark suit with the right
touches can be perfect for a dressy night.
Add a bow tie and suddenly it's almost
a tuxedo. Wear it with an unbuttoned shirt
and suddenly a boy becomes a stud. It's
really not that hard. And remember you
can rent all sorts of suits at Don's Store!
Never the less
For those who don't like any of the above,
the alternative is to bare one's body and
soul. Or... stay at home. Honestly friends -
isn't it time that we men stopped being so
selfish?! Believe it or not, it's not all about
boys. And in the case of one night of the
year - it's all about LOVE. So please men,
let your guard down. Be a real cowboy.
Explore places you've never seen. Push
yourself to the limit. And for at least one
night in your life - get gussied up and look
your best. One thing is certain. After you
take it all off, you're guaranteed to score!