Wednesday, December 31, 2014


True confession
Come on... be honest. Have any of you
ever truly enjoyed a New Years Eve?
I find the very concept of this annually
enforced celebration ludicrous at best.
Depending on the year one can be either
happy, sad, resigned, or on the brink of
extinction. Hence few want to dress up,
leave the house, and join the hordes
welcoming the annum. Much like an
evening on Bourbon Street, the scent
of booze mixed with vomit holds little
appeal. Nor does watching Anderson
Cooper cavort with Kathy Griffin.
Limited engagement
While I occasionally enjoy a bit
of lubrication, I learned long ago
that extreme consumption is not
for me. Many the time I woke up
somewhere that I shouldn't have
been. Or was told I had uttered
things that shouldn't have been
said. Loose lips sink more than
ships given they often destroy any
sense of dignity. If one imbibes,
limit your sphere of influence to
those near and dear. There's safety
in numbers and less is more.
It takes all kinds
Alcohol brings out the best or worst
in most. Some are mean drunks -
vicious, angry, hostile souls ready
for a fight. Others quietly fade into
a corner for a snooze. Many can be
messy leaving a trail of boozy debris
wherever they go. And the smartest
abstain and watch the spectacle that
literally lays before them. Why view
the big ball descending when one
can see civilization crumble before
your bar stool? Winners take it all in
while losers forget what happened.
With regrets
Since meeting Frank I've abstained from
mass gatherings at the end of each year.
Early on, we traveled our separate ways
to be with our families for the holidays
only to reconvene before the thirty first.
That night was our Christmas and we
never shared it with others. Subsequently
we've welcomed the New Year with his
parents and family at an early dinner out.
And while I certainly had my share of
Manhattans, I never went over the edge
and hence was in bed before midnight.
To quote Piaf - "Non je ne regrette rien."
Dress for success
What are you doing New Years
Eve? As someone who cares,
may I make a few suggestions
on how to weather the big event?
First, wear something elegant yet
comfortable. Do NOT squeeze
into anything that may pop after
you've popped more than a bit of
bubbly. There's little worse than
a drunk with something hanging
out that isn't supposed to. Dress
appropriately in order to avoid
any wardrobe malfunctions.
Stay wet
Why anybody would purposefully
welcome the New Year with a bad
hangover is beyond me. So please,
HYDRATE. As you guzzle - be
sure that at least one large glass of
water is consumed every hour. Not
only will everyone view your new
frock as you trot back and forth to
the loo - your liver will thank you
in the morning. While I doubt
dehydration will kill you, it can be
murder when you awaken with a
headache due to a lack of H2o.
Ashes to ashes
If you must go out, try to be like
Cinderella and get out of Dodge
before the clock strikes twelve.
Listen my little pumpkins -
while I'm certain that none
of you drink and drive, I can
guarantee that almost everyone
else on the road has done just
that. So why risk starting 2015
in a body bag? Do us all a favor
and make sure you tuck in your
Buick before midnight. What's
better than celebrating in bed?
All's well that ends well
In the end even parties are all about self
control. Automobile accidents or ripped
hems aside, the only person you hurt by
over indulgence is yourself. And at this
point in life haven't most of us figured
out what truly makes us happy? Rarely
is spending the last night of a year on a
bender the key to bliss. Rather looking
back on the prior three hundred and
sixty five days is a learning experience.
Only you can gain from your mistakes.
So please do your best to try and not
make any tonight! Happy New Year!