Friday, December 12, 2014

The down and dirty

Maintenance men
Some mornings writing this blog offers
additional benefits. Today it's simply
that any time spent doing something
else defers the task I loathe more than
any other - CLEANING. We've been
ensconced in the Passion Pit since early
July. And while we've talked about it...
we still haven't found someone to clean.
Hence we're stuck holding the dust pan.
Talk is cheap and sadly we haven't done
much more than ask around to no avail.
You simply can't find good help. And
man oh man do we need it!
All that glitters is not gold
Hence we two rather indulged gentlemen
have been doing it all by ourselves. While
many find satisfaction in scrubbing a dirty
shower stall, we don't. Yes, we do enjoy
some aspects of home hygiene. But it is
far more enjoyable when somebody else
does it. While I'm not exactly buff,  I do
find polishing to be one of the few tasks
that I actually look forward to. Even when
dust bunnies lurk beneath the divan, a pair
of perfectly polished silver candlesticks
divert all attention from our dirty secrets.
Thankfully looks can be deceiving!
Maid to order
It's not that tending house is beneath us.
We don't mind dusting and we're both
ready and and able to push a broom or
vacuum. However when it comes to
our bathrooms, we're not exactly flush
with excitement at the idea of swabbing
our decks. Frankly I can't help but be
amazed at the filth a steady stream of
dirty boys make while checking off our
punch list. It's virtually a full time job
to keep up with the mess. So why can't
we find anybody to do our dirty work?
Are we picky or is it just impossible?
A delicate imbalance
This may be one of the few times
when I must admit that we're the
odd men out. Our home simply isn't
like most others in these here parts.
It not that locals abhor nice things.
Rather it's their limited access to the
finer things in life. Yesterday I ran
into SUS (Serve U Self) Furniture.
Within that sea of Naugahyde there
was no lack of built in cup holders.
Yet finding anything elegant was
virtually impossible. No wonder
nobody knows how to handle us!
Rules of engagement
In this rough and tumble town, most
struggle with the idea that our things
must be handled with care. While
we don't want guests to feel as if
they're in a museum, sometimes we
must draw the line. All are welcome
but you'll get the boot if you track
mud in on your boots. Please make
yourself comfortable but leaning
back in an eighteenth century chair
makes us uncomfortable. Nobody
wants to cry over spilt milk so all
we ask is that you use a coaster.

Not in my house
We're not snobs. All we need is a savvy
soul who can carefully clean up after us.
The only major home labor pool here in
town are Hutterites. A religious sect of
ranchers, these gals seem to be better at
herding cows than dusting dainties. This
means a clean sweep by the ladies often
requires quite a bit of damage control.
Some feel that liability is well worth not
cleaning a toilet. However we can't put
our home in their rough, un moisturized
hands. At some point we may drop the
mop but until then - WE NEED HELP!