Wednesday, June 18, 2014


Deferred Maintenance
After years of not even considering
taking care of myself, it's time for an
overhaul. So, I've started a catch up
regimen in Montana. First thing was
finding a physician. Believe it or not
in this town one must be"approved"
before any doctor will schedule an
appointment. Fortunately Tracey my
right hand took care of that before
I left Manhattan. Leave it to a scrappy
girl from Jersey to convince a nurse in
Lewistown to accept this sorry soul.
God do I miss her EVERY DAY!
Under cover
The first thing I had to do is figure
out medical insurance. While some
may not agree, "Obamacare" is a
godsend for people like me. I'm
too young for Medicare and few
seemed to care. "Cobra" is pricey
and covers you for a only limited
span. So, I logged on and got great
coverage at about a third of the
cost of continuing my current
coverage. Plus it's truly a better
policy. Thank you Mr. President
for covering my ass!
Check me out!
Next I booked a complete physical.
Frankly I'm not an ardent admirer
of physicians. Therefore I stayed as
far away as possible. However I do
like my new doctor. He gave me the
once over and sent me off for tests.
The good news is all seems good but
for my weight. According to the
experts, I must lose the equivalent
of a sixth grader in order to not be
deemed obese. Fortunately I seem
to be losing the pounds due to the
move so my diagnosis is positive!
Pale face
It seems we all want what we shouldn't
have. Hence my passionate pursuit of
the perfect tan. Being by nature a past
 WASP, it took years of burning bright
to achieve a decent light brown. Sadly
my days in the sun were enjoyable but
not very good for my epidermis. Hence
the somewhat scary spots I've got in
key places. It's time to get scraped and
scarred by a Billings dermatologist
before it gets worse. Not exactly how
I'd like to spend my sunset years but
from now on I'll sit in the shade!
Wake up!
Finally I'm coming out of my daze
and finally dealing with my snoring.
After years of keeping Frank up at
night I'm scheduled to spend a night
with the sleep doctor. While fairly
certain of the diagnosis, I can no
longer be apathetic about my apnea.
Rather than losing sleep over it, my
plan is to do whatever it takes to get
some proper shut eye. If that requires
resembling Hannibal Lecter, then so
be it. From what I hear, many men
like some extra help while in bed...
Back to the future
Once I've made the rounds my hope
is that I'll come full circle and enter
my second childhood. You see, when
we were young we all regularly went
to see the doctor. Somehow as I grew
older my affection for anything good
for me faded as did the frequency of
my office visits. Why do most ladies
continue to take care of themselves
whereas males defer any treatment
until death looms ominously. Time
to listen to my mother and call the
dentist's office to schedule a date!