Wednesday, January 1, 2014

How quickly they fall

All fall down
My New Year's resolution is to
NOT fall today. The past few
years I've suffered frightful falls
on January first. None have been
caused by booze. Rather it seems
that for some reason I welcome
every new year by almost killing
myself. There must be a better
way to start the year than on the
wrong foot. BREAK A LEG?!
Social climber
I can't explain exactly why it happens.
For some reason I'm quite the klutz as
the year begins. Frank and I attended
New Years brunch at a friend's ranch.
The distinctive decorative element of
this manse was a hand crafted wood
staircase. A functional work of art,
I opted to descend face first rather than
step by step. Ultimately I made a very
cheeky arrival at the foot of the stairs
in full view of my fellow guests. For
the first time I had carpet burn on my
face rather than knees. Imagine that!
Split second
Last year I slipped on a patch
of ice as we arrived at Frank's
brother "B's" home for New
Year's Day dinner. Suddenly
I flipped up into the air several
feet only to land flat on my back.
While no bones were not broken,
sister in law "S's" heirloom bone
china platter had shattered in my
shopping bag. How could one
enjoy the holidays without her
cookies upon that holly trimmed
dish? Thank God for e-bay!
Close call
Not only are my missteps scary for
me, they terrify those unlucky souls
who have to witness them. Frank
says that when I fell down the stairs
it seemed as if the world stood still
as I floated by him in slow motion.
Almost any disaster can be frozen
in one's mind as a moment in time.
I'm not saying that my spills are
disasters. However while they are
happening there is a possibility that
my spills could end disastrously.
Fortunately I've avoided one thus far.
Mind the gap
Today I plan to approach every
step with extreme caution. My
hope is that will insure I don't
have to use medical insurance.
I've never broken a bone and
hope to continue that record.
Nervous or not, I plan to start
the year out on the right foot.
HAPPY 2014!