Thursday, January 10, 2013


Been there, done that
As a former urbanite I've seen it all.
When you live in a city there is a delicate balance between "us" and "them".
City dwellers co-exist with many varieties of vermin.
All of which must be constantly kept in check.

Skittering swarms of cockroaches
Recently my daughter called to tell me she had "roaches". My advice? Call the super and spray! Meanwhile... knock on the cabinet door before opening.  That way any "friends" wlll scatter and you won't have to say hello.

Furry friends!
One night I saw a rat the size of a Pomeranian. He slowly waddled by. Confident that nobody would bother. Click for Mchael Jackson on rats...

Ponderous, plodding water bugs.
Ok... it's rush hour at Port Authority Bus Terminal.
The jostling crowd is elbow-to-elbow.
Suddenly it separates,
leaving a rather large area free of all traffic.
What was the cause of this chasm?
A GIGANTIC water bug slowly moving along.
If you've ever stepped on one, you know why!

Pigeons, lots and lots of pigeons.
I took drawing classes in an old, classically inspired building on 30th and Lex. Our studio was stuffy, so we decided to open the large windows.  After aggressive shoving, one window finally swung open. Only to reveal a ledge covered with a foot of pigeon excrement, plus a few mummified carcasses. Ahhh... breathe in that fresh air!

There is a delicate balance between man and nature.

We all know that if we don't maintain control... THEY WILL TAKE OVER.
And the last thing I want to do is fight armor plated vermin
like Jean Michael Vincent did in Damnation Alley!

You can't escape.  They are everywhere.
Even in beautiful Lewistown, we have our share of vexing vermin.
A rampant infestation of ravenous creatures has hit our town.

Evil Bambi by Flamecourt - Courtesy of
Virulent Venison!
You see, Bambi and his cohorts
have taken over our city.
Once dusk falls they stroll
into our yards, eating almost
anything in their way.
There is not a shrub nor
plant within city limits that
has not been violated.

Nothing is safe.
Nobody can stop them!
Everyone has tried dried blood,
hair clippings, voodoo, and urine. Their blatant disregard of
property lines means that any
fence less than 6 feet is useless.
Forget "deer resistant" varieties.
Our white tailed scourge seem
to adore that flora even mora!

Animal control?
Our local dog catcher has no problem nabbing errant shih tzu. However for some reason that passion doesn't apply to our friends from the forest.  One might assume some tree hugger was driving this lack of interest? No, it's Montana or the BLM!

Seize the day!
Frankly there is no longer any reason for an official hunting season, fire arms, or archery weapons. Now anyone can go out in the yard and lasso dinner! Or... leave the door open. What happens inside stays inside!

After years of daily fighting "pests", I've had it.  

So, don't be surprised if some of our antlered friends disappear.
I may offer them a ride to a new town with fresh foliage.
Or start an epicurian website that panders venison sausage and salami.
We have to get rid of them. And my solution may just be...
Burgundy Braised Bambi.