TOTAL STINKERS

Can you smell that?
Many years ago I decided to give
up fragrance. After dousing myself
daily in Halston Z14 or  Guerlain
Extra Dry, suddenly I found scent
intrusive. It's not that I didn't like
the smell,  I just didn't like being
smelly all the time. So I went cold
turkey and honestly haven't worn
cologne or after shave since! My
sans scent credo transcends every
aspect of my life. From detergent
to deodorant, if the label says it's
"fragrance free" - I'm in!

Scent of a woman
One could assume I'd been abused by
some sort of a scent earlier in life. In
actuality, a whiff of certain perfumes
still conjures up pleasant memories.
As a boy, my Mother wore Shalimar
by Guerlain. Later on she shifted to
Montaigne by Caron. At that time it
was sold only in Europe so there was
little chance of anybody else wearing
it within her milieu. Just prior to her
death it was reformulated and then
introduced into the United States for
sale. Mother thought that STANK.

l'eau de Camelot
While I claim to abhor fragrance,
I actually prefer to strategically
integrate it into my life. Since a
tot I've adored Caswell Massey
soap. Specifically Jockey Club
which has been said to have been
JFK's favorite. Who wouldn't like
to smell like Jack? These creamy
slabs turn taking a shower into a
trip to paradise. Given my schnoz
has become quite sensitive, I smell
it's gentle fragrance all day. It's so
manly yet indulgent. Just like me!

Got milk?
Being of a gentleman of certain genetic
strain, my pale skin can be beyond dry.
Therefore I must daily douse with some
sort of body lotion. Most are sticky and
slimy. However there is one that leaves
me feeling moist yet unencumbered by
residue. Santa Maria de Novella Latte
per Il Corpo Uomo is a light and milky
concoction that literally disappears the
moment you put it on. Leaving behind
only it's spicy scent. Honestly if I could
take a bath in the stuff I would. However
at $85 a bottle, I must limit my dairy.

Light my fire
When it comes to my home, all bets
are off as relates to maintaining a
scent free environment. My problem
is that I adore Cire Trudon  candles -
specifically the Balmoral variety.
Anyone who has dined chez moi
knows I light a veritable bon fire
of these babies. Nothing brings a
smile to my face like catching a
faint hint of their scent as I scurry
by the morning after. While more
than decadent, they're absolutely
essential to my smelly survival.

In good taste
Many years ago I went through a
potpourri phase. My first love was
Claire Burke Original. While now
it only reminds me of country club
powder rooms, for a time it seemed
quite posh. Hence I filled my home
with bowls of dried rosebuds and
orange peel. I'll never forget a time
when I caught my friend nibbling on
the stuff. Apparently "N" thought it
was a botanical version of Chex mix
or an herbal breath refresher rather
than a chic home deodorant!

Pufnstuf
Sometimes things just stink. At one
point I went through a cigar phase.
Much like Michael Douglas in Wall
Street, aspiring gents of the late
eighties felt a stogie symbolized
success. Post dinner boys puffed
and pontificated. The morning
after, one awakened to the stench
of sour smoke. Then I discovered
vinegar. A soup coupe full of the
stuff left out overnight eliminated
any memories of whatever you had
blown the night before. Puff, puff.

No animals were harmed
In the end I guess I'm not a purist.
While I claim to abhor fabricated
fragrances, I adore them if used
strategically. There is a right time
and place for everything. Having
lived and worked in hi-rises, little
is worse than riding the elevator
with a lady doused in some cheap
perfume. What you love, others
may loathe. Life already stinks
enough without the addition of
somebody else's eau de cologne.
If you must spritz, please be gentle.

TIME TO CHILL

Can you feel it?
I grew up in a world without any air
conditioning. My parents eschewed
the concept of a mechanically cooled
environment. Rather they preferred
to sit, stew, and steam. Summers in
the city are not exactly pleasant. The
humidity alone can drown one in their
own sweat. Even after moving down
to the tidewaters of Virginia, they
opted to rarely turn on a cooling aid.
Instead Ethel would balmily bask on
her screened porch purring "Feel that
breeze? Isn't it beautiful out here?"

Highs and lows
Frankly, I never saw Mother sweat.
Ladies of her vintage and breeding
simply didn't perspire. No matter
the temperature Ethel would sit in
stately serenity never looking even
slightly dewy. I truly envy people
who can maintain a cool, calm, and
collected demeanor in defiance to
whatever the thermometer reads.
Do they have an inner thermostat?
Given my hot flashes, mine has
ceased functioning. Can anything
cure my "MAN-OH-PAUSE?!"

Chill out
Over the years after I left my parent's
home I quickly came to rely on those
blasts of freon that only mechanized
magic can deliver. Sizzling summers
in Chicago, Columbus, Minneapolis,
and Manhattan were merciless at times.
The humidity alone was overwhelming!
Hence air conditioning was more than
simply a desirable indulgence. While
living in Dallas, air conditioning could
only be described as a survival tool!
Many days I never left a controlled
climate and that was just fine with me!

Blue bloods
Whatever we can't have, we crave.
The first time I visited Beverly Hills,
I was shocked to see women sporting
sables as they shopped within the
crispy climes of Rodeo Drive shops.
In Dallas everyone seemed to keep
their thermostats hovering around
sixty degrees. Hence my need to
wear cashmere by day and sleep
under a down comforter while the
temperature outside sat at over one
hundred Fahrenheit. Is the ultimate
luxury freezing your ass off!

Perfect combination
As a boy my family escaped the heat
in New England where our summer
sojourns were always quite cool. Who
wouldn't enjoy mid day temperatures
in the low eighties and night time lows
in the forties? All with virtually NO
humidity. Now my summers are just
the same here in Montana. With few
exceptions our dog days of summer
are perfectly glorious. And even with
global warming many a night requires
one don a sweater on your shoulder or
a blanket on your bed. Isn't it divine?

Go with the flow
In Montana, air conditioning is
a rarity. No matter the warming
trend - there's rarely reason to
dial it down. We still embrace
the rituals of our youth sleeping
with the windows open wide.
Post years being entombed in
air conditioned hi-rises, we had
to adjust to reality. Now once
awake our house is immediately
shut up to keep the cool air in.
Remarkably, our house stays
cool without using any voltage!

Have I flipped?
Our century old home was designed to
maximize cross ventilation. Now once
again we've rediscovered that there os
nothing more glorious that luxuriating
in the comfort of one's home while you
enjoy a gentle summer breeze. Which
I consider more civilized than exposing
my lungs to a steady stream of iced man
made air.  Am I channeling my inner
Ethel or is my body enjoying the joy of
being fully oxygenated? Now that I've
turned off the air conditioning, it seems
that I'm finally able to CHILL OUT!

Mother knows best
I'm not totally nuts. On the occasional
day when our temperatures soar above
ninety, I appreciate the benefits derived
from our portable air conditioners. As
I sit and chill, I find myself dreaming
of opening my windows once again.
For this former urbanite, going with
the natural flow makes me feel like
I'm communing with Mother Nature.
And while I hate to admit it, the basic
act of breathing in real air makes me
feel alive. It seems that once again my
Mother was right as always! DAMN!

DREAMS COME TRUE

Less is more
We all want whatever we can't have. Therefore
those blessed with curls want straight hair and
visa versa. When it comes to home often the
things we love are beyond reach. Fortunately
there is a magical word that can make fantasy
reality - SALE. Theres nothing better than a
discount (except a huge one). Especially when
applied to something you couldn't afford. If
nothing else added value is ample justification
for any purchase. And fortunately...

Click the link below to read more -
www.cvhomemt.blogspot.com

I GRAM WHAT I GRAM

Facing facts
Occasionally one is brutally reminded that
they're a dinosaur. Just when we think we
have embraced another form of technology -
a youngster delivers a bitch slap of reality.
And while I'm the first to embrace any adult
education, finding out that Facebook is now
a social desert filled with old folks isn't the
most gratifying of realizations. Yet one thing
is certain. Which is that the speed of modern
technology delivers both instant gratification
and retribution. Or a combination thereof.
Therefore like it or not, the only way to be
relevant is to be social. As in social media...

Social security
Stepping back from said frenzy, I accept that
in order to be successful in today's more than
public arena one must participate in a constant
dialog. All as one exposes their personal life
to the world at large. Recently it was reported
that Kylie Jenner (age 21) may soon become
the world's youngest billionaire. With over
111 million "followers" on Instagram alone,
the reality TV star has easily usurped the rest
of her Kardashian sibling's earning power. In
just two years Kylie has built beauty empire
fueled by social media that is hers alone. Proof
that one can be young enough to know better.

Photo finish
Given I spent four decades in the marketing
world, I should be savvy enough to leverage
my social assets. However since starting our
antiques business, I've struggled to "drive
traffic" to our store and website. Frankly I
hesitate to release a tsunami of social spews
simply to sell some stuff. Thus the idea of
posting on Instagram hourly overwhelms me.
In fact the prospect of exposing myself via
random snapshots rather sickens me. Mostly
because the last thing I want to do is work
24/7/365 while I try to woo my followers
via highly personal moments for all to see.

Minute man
I realize that just saying the above seems quite
ludicrous given I've been blogging on a daily
basis for almost five years. However there is a
big difference between carefully crafting some
diatribe about life's events than instantaneously
publishing all that comes to mind. I can't help
but think that such an endless communications
stream could lead to death by drowning. Yet in
a world where our President threatens enemies
via Twitter blasts - at some point I may have to
embrace the here and now. Which bodes the
question, when will all of the tweeters run out
of something to show... and tell... and sell...

Birds of a feather
We all lead busy lives. Layer on top all of the
challenges that life capriciously dumps on us.
Thus in theory we all have lots to tweet about.
However I find the reality that the leader of
the western world feels free to instantly spew
whatever is on his mind more than concerning.
Add that his target of disaffection tends to be
some equally egomaniacal power broker. Or
worse, an enemy of the state. Which means
that rather than respond, one or the other can
just as easily push a button and vaporize the
world on a whim. So isn't it time that we call
a twit a twit and stop all of this foolishness?

Slowly but surely
Often a delayed reaction is more effective than
blowing one's wad for naught. Consider former
President Harry Truman. A known hot head -
he knew himself well enough to know better.
Thus whenever something or someone raised
his ire - he would sit down and write a letter to
the offending party. Once he got whatever got
his goat it off his chest, he locked it in his desk
drawer. After cooling his heels Harry would
re-read his tirade. Often leading to it's being
rewritten or placed in the circular file. Most
important, he tempered his initial response to
insure he behaved in the best way possible.

Fools rush in...
Sadly in our rush to communicate we've lost
all sense of reason. In our effort to entertain
or engage our friends, family, and followers
we no longer wait and see. Instead we throw
out random thoughts and images that may or
may not reflect our true conclusions. Might
it be better to savor each moment, stop and
smell the roses, and avoid any unnecessary
conflict? Less is always more. Hence while
it's easy to push each another's button - there
are times when that's inappropriate. So rather
than get in trouble, why not step back and let
things settle down. Save the best for LATER.

FAIR GAME

Opening day
Wednesday is the first day of the
Central Montana Fair. Located on
the edge of Lewistown our fair
grounds sit idle most of the year.
However for four summer days
it's packed with most of Fergus
County. Frankly I'm not fond of
crowds seating in the summer
sun. However if you've never
been to a regional fair, you ought
to consider attending. From fun
houses to funnel cakes it's worth
experiencing at least once a year!

Happy hiatus
It's important to note that agriculture
is big business in this area. Hence
many locals spend the majority of
their days (and nights) tending crops
and livestock. It's the type of life that
while seemingly simple, requires the
patience and resolve of a gambler.
Each spring ranchers sow their seeds
and then wait... Wondering if Mother
Nature will enable them to thrive or
survive. July is a rancher's purgatory.
What's done is done. All you can do
is pray. Or better yet go to the fair!

The more the merrier
There are two reasons to attend the
fair. To socialize and compete. Ever
since homesteaders first settled in
Central Montana, the size of farms
and ranches have grown while the
population decreased. Now ranchers
manage massive tracts of land. And
so depending on whether they like
company or not, they have to travel
miles before seeing a friendly face.
Thus the fair is the equivalent of a
big family reunion. A time to forget
your chores and have a bit of fun!

Prime meet
Generation after generation, ranchers
invest substantial time, energy, and
cash in breeding the best livestock
possible. And while it's fun to show
off the fruits of one's labor, one must
maintain a competitive edge. Plus a
walking hunk of beef or pork can be
worth big bucks! The bigger yours is
the higher the price. And while few
admit it, many ranchers maintain a
spiritual bond with their herds. No
wonder emotions run high as they
compete for recognition at the fair!

Worth the fare
However the primary reason to
attend the fair is the thrill of it!
From people watching, carousel
riding bronco busting, demo
derbies, to corn dogs,  and more!
Strutting your stuff is obviously
better than sitting at home. It's
over Saturday so why not hop in
the pick up and hit Lewistown.
After all you've got nothing to
lose on the midway but a bit of
cash and your dignity! And who
knows, you may have some fun!

WHO DUNNIT?

Love hate relationship
There are many things in life that folks either
love or hate. For many reasons said targets of
our affection or rejection naturally polarize.
Consider calves liver. Some absolutely adore
devouring a slice of said organ - especially if
smothered with onions. Whereas others go to
therapy over memories of forced ingestion of
said mess. The same state of extremes goes
far beyond the culinary arena. Meaning that
the dichotomy between adore and loathe also
applies to certain people, places, and pursuits.
Yet rarely has such a schism applied to the
President of these United States until now...

Never say no
Obviously any presidential race is in the end
a split decision. One which naturally divides
us into winners and losers. My depression era
parents attributed much of the fall of western
civilization to Franklin Roosevelt's four terms
in office. Yet while they obviously did NOT
like the man... they revered his role as Chief
Executive. While I may fall on the blue side
of the fence, I was never a fan of Bill Clinton.
In part because I simply didn't trust the man.
That said, I never participated in the type of
vitriol now spewed from of many an orifice.
I respected the office itself and the man in it.

Fear and loathing
For many reasons all of that changed with the
election of Donald Trump. Like it or not most
Americans either love or loathe the man. And
nothing in between. Sadly we're in this mess
because many felt the same way about Hillary
Clinton. While the majority voted her in (i.e.
the "popular" vote) the "winner" was able to
woo enough skeptics over to his side to skew
the electoral college in his favor. Thus even if
voting for Trump was the political equivalent
of swallowing Mom's beef liver - many opted
to gag rather than vote for the lady in question.
Or... is that not what really happened in 2016?

Red alert
Given all of the Russian mania going on - one
can't help but wonder what fueled said reluctant
dilettantes to choose the dark side. Something
tells me that deep down they had no idea that
casting a vote for the devil would drag us ALL
into hell. Most assumed Hillary would win. Yet
in the end forces beyond our control put Donald
Trump into the hot seat. Leaving many of we
"haters" to wonder exactly how it all happened.
Causing at least this skeptic to start to connect
the conspiratorial dots. Could it be that some
evil Ruskie flipped many a switch and skewed
the election in Don's and against our favor?!

Opposites distract
I realize that just suggesting the above makes
me seem like a sore loser. However post a life
of being considered somewhat rational I have
to question how we got to where we are today.
With random exceptions - I rarely encounter
any rabid Trump supporters. Most of those
I suspect voted for the man are honestly good
folks, Therefore I wonder what they now think
about all of this mess we're in. Do they hold
themselves culpable for putting our country
under the leadership of a compromised man?
Are they as surprised as the most rabid Trump
hater at the state we're in? I TRULY HOPE SO.

Buyer's remorse
For now let's assume the Russians influenced
our last election - but - were unable to tamper
with our ballot boxes. Living in a community
where over 70% voted for Donald Trump and
a sleaze ball like Greg Gianforte - I should be
pessimistic. Yet somehow the reality that said
majority did so in a surreptitious manner is
encouraging. What if they had a better choice?
As we enter into the mid-term election cycle
many will have two options. The question is
can they see past party affiliations and focus
who will do their best for America? Or will
we blindly make another split decision?!

Split decision
Call me Pollyanna but somehow I have hope.
In that everybody can't be as crazy as we may
think they are. While more than worried that
a deep dark plot is afoot to steal our freedom -
I somehow believe we the people won't stand
for it. Which makes me optimistic that at some
point - my friends and neighbors will come to
their senses. And realize that in winning just
to win - they lose more than their dignity.
Hopefully most Americans agree that rigging
the system in anybody's favor is a crime. Isn't
it time we voted in the right people who will
protect liberty and justice for ALL?!

7th Day Surprise: VEG ALL

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?

Frank spends much of his day tending his crop.

While he's totally organic, 

he does his best to stay out of the sun.

As you probably know, we're quite different.

I say that 

however the spirit moves...

do what's natural!