Out with the old.
In with the new.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
OFF THE RECORD
With apologies to my fellow Lewistown
residents, I must share highlights from
our local newspaper's recap of our 2014
police blotter. Yes, the nearest Walmart
is two hours away (thank God) and yes,
some locals have never even been there.
That said, while this seems like paradise
we do have our problems. Fortunately
as the following recap indicates, we're
not nearly as bad off as most. Hence we
love living in Montana where life is so
much simpler and safer! Even if one
gets into trouble, it's no trouble at all!
Caller requests specifics
on the legal alcohol limit
for drinking and driving
with children in the car.
What one doesn't know is the purpose
for making such a query. Was someone
attempting to defer a boozed up parent
from joy riding with the tots? Or was it
a check-in prior to departing the trailer
park? Some people's children...
Caller reports husband
of a former employee
threatened staff because
she had not yet received
her W-2 form.
Was he a crazed accountant or
overtly eager to file their taxes
early? While no one was hit
with a calculator, there's still a
chance he got hit with a late fee.
Caller reports seeing
a red vehicle with
a suspicious leg
hanging out of it.
I find this report rather odd given we
live in a land where it's perfectly legal
to consume road kill. Hence it's not
unusual to see all sorts of body parts
driving through town. Given one can
still hunt for pelts throughout winter,
who knows who or what was dangling?
Caller reports that a client burned his nose as he lit his cigarette while using oxygen.
Nothing was more criminal than when
tobacco companies purposefully lied
to Americans about the true impact of
smoking on their health. And nothing
could be more baffling than the fact
that millions of young people who are
fully aware of said risks still light up.
Has their sanity gone up in smoke?
Caller reports credit card fraud. Later calls back to rescind given her husband charged the items.
Talk about a domestic disturbance!
Given much of what we need here
in Lewistown must be shipped in,
one hopes her hubby was shopping
for something that benefited them
both rather than having a cyber date
with some hot Russian babe.
Caller reports he was
just assaulted by a man
and is now going to the
Glacier Bar to find him.
Much like posting one's suicide note on
Facebook, I'm fairly confident that the
caller wanted some police involvement.
Makes sense given The Glacier Bar is
a rather rough place as indicated by it's
frequent mention in the Police Blotter.
I wonder if anybody got hurt?
Caller reports that someone
has written their name in a
local bathroom stall.
Obviously said caller was not looking
to win a popularity contest nor earn
extra cash. One must question where,
when, and how he or she discovered
said posting. With no unisex bathrooms
in town - could the loo be Lewistown's
version of Grinder? Apparently a certain
some one wants to log on...
Caller reports that her now
estranged boyfriend is selling
all of her stuff on Facebook.
Here in a small town the greatest
dangers are gossip and drama. With
only so many fish in our inland sea -
one's options are limited. Therefore
most live by the golden rule even
when it comes to dating. If you don't,
you'll soon discover why we call
these here parts the wild west!
Caller angrily asks why the police are looking for her and hangs up. Then redials to apologize.
If you don't have something nice
to say then don't say it. Why poke
a stick in the bear's cage?! Next
time remember the adage - don't
call us, we'll call you. If they
really need to see you, they'll
send a car over with an escort.
Caller requests assistance in
transferring text messages
from an old to new phone.
Whoever said technology is our
friend was confused at best. It's
almost criminal how hard it is to
keep up with all of the changes.
And while one can be tempted to
murder someone in the process,
I suggest you call the help desk
rather than dial nine one one.
Caller reports seeing a UFO.
Officers are unable to locate
unidentified flying object.
Just look up to understand why it's
called Big Sky Country. Out here
in the middle of no where one's
mind can play tricks. However the
only aliens you'll ever see tend to
come from New York. The all look
and sound funny. Quite harmless,
they soon give up and go home.
Caller reports a male walking down the middle of the street wearing a Batman mask.
Catholic clergy aside, our community prefers to live and let live. My advice is don't do anything you don't want your Mother to find out about. Word gets around. So if you plan to strut your stuff down Main Street, be ready to explain why when you get home. And if you want to stay out of the police blotter, please think before you dial 911.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Orange is my favorite color
It started rather innocently. Frank and
I were surfing Netflix when we came
upon "Orange Is The New Black."
Given there's been much buzz about
this cable series - we decided to give
it a try. Sadly we both thought it was
awful watching a bunch of lesbian
jail birds plotting, fighting and then
making up. In the end we agreed to
never watch it again. Yet... somehow
I just had to tune in again and again.
Maybe that's because I love almost
anything orange, even criminals!
Before I realized it I was hooked. Three
days, twenty six hours of television later,
I've finished two seasons and am ready
to start the third. Immersed in a sea of
orange, I've lost any sense of reality.
Which has me wondering - could an
inner junkie be lurking deep within me
waiting to squirt out? This isn't the first
time - after overdosing on New York,
New Jersey, Miami, Atlanta, and Beverly
Hills - I joined Housewives Anonymous.
So why am I suddenly mainlining major
doses of cable broadcast Vitamin C?
It's not like I'm the only one. Many
share my secret compulsion for all
things orange. Some horde Hermes.
Others crave Creamsicles. Mine is
an aged blood orange cashmere
pullover purchased eons ago at a
Barney's warehouse sale in Santa
Monica. A beloved old friend, I've
worn it until suede elbow patches
had to be added in order to extend
it's limited warranty. Chances are
I'll be sporting said sunset sweater
while I move into assisted living!
My favorite veggie is a roasted yam
smothered in butter. When my Dad
was a boy, his grandmother would
bake a sweet potato in the coal stove
oven overnight. By morning that hot
tuber warmed his hands on his walk
to school before becoming breakfast
After years of yams, Dad must have
had enough. Hence in my youth, a
yam was never served in our house.
Later on as an adult I discovered the
sweet and savory delights and now
can't get enough. I yam what I yam!
Even the strongest must occasionally
indulge in whatever their passion is.
Did you have a corner store near your
school? Upon entering mine, a bell
rang as I was greeted by the scent of
cold cuts and Twizzlers. Within that
prepared food oasis I would quickly
purchase and devour a package of
Hostess Orange Cupcakes before
going home. Risky business at best,
I would have suffered a matriarchal
equivalent of Agent Orange had
Ethel caught me nibbling on the sly.
Whoever said blonds have more
fun was wrong. We all like a bit
of orange zest. Nothing spices up
life more than a sassy red head.
These pale faces stand out due to
more than follicles. Often funnier,
wittier, and wiser than most, who
wouldn't want to be one? At one
point in life, I sported a carrot top.
However my tone was not caused
by DNA or henna. After an over
dose of Sun In and Pina Coladas
I saw RED and it was REDRUM!
During these dark days of winter,
a pop of color can brighten one's
outlook. Most live their lives in
black, taupe, or grey. While we
were in Italy, I purchased a pair
of orange gloves. Now every time
I put them on, I feel better. Maybe
it's time that you poured on the
juice and had a little fun. Be it
bitter sweet, persimmon, paprika,
tangerine, apricot, or melon -
anyone can turn up the heat and
COLOR YOUR WORLD!
Thursday, January 1, 2015
PATIENCE PLEASE...
The past twelve months have been
quite momentous. Seminal events
changed the course of my life as I
knew it. The result has been pure
and simple peace of mind. After
years of scrambling, I stepped back
and let go. In the process I was able
to reconnect with myself, lose some
weight, and start anew. One can't but
reflect on what has transpired. Rather
than post some Facebook slide show,
let's all brush up on lessons learned
in the year known as 2014...
I started the year in rather a state of
angst. My company was for sale and
everyone had no idea who, what, or
when. Leading a team in transition
is always tough. Yet having done so
before, I should have had answers.
Sadly, this time even I didn't know
what was going to happen. So we all
waited... and worried while trying to
keep things going. Motivating a team
with little more than pom-poms, we
somehow made it through to new.
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Finally new owners were made
known. During the transition
rumors and gossip were mixed
with fact and fiction. However
once everything was a done
deal - slowly reality came into
play. For some of us that meant
freedom - a chance to rethink
everything and start anew. For
others, the process of transition
and ambiguity would continue
through the balance of the year.
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Be careful what you wish for...
Rarely does one get a second
chance. Suddenly, it was time
to leave Manhattan and move to
Montana. Said departure was
rather difficult. Leaving people
and places one loves is sad at
best. Yet fulfilling a life long
dream kept tears at bay. My
challenge was accepting that
I might not work for the short
or long term. I was in control!
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Living full time in rural Lewistown
has been an absolute blessing. Once
our new (old) home moved towards
completion we moved in early July.
Construction dust aside, a massive
manse became home. While some
might question if our investment was
wise, we wouldn't have it any other
way. What was once the ugliest house
is now a source of pride for all. And
what was once a burnt out executive
is now a happy homeowner.
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Who knew that we would have to
battle adversity within the confines
of our spiritual home? The negative
impact one individual had on our
lives was sadly sobering. Yet out of
bad came good as I discovered a new
congregation that now enriches my
life in ways I never expected. Their
love and support proves that God
had a hand in both our rejection and
acceptance. In the end - I gained so
much more than I lost and then some!
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
By the end of the year what had
seemed impossible was a reality.
Suddenly anyone could marry in
all of Montana no matter who they
loved. Equality is a most precious
gift. As gay marriage bans were
overturned across America, many
realized that the truth set them free.
You see, love is love no matter who
or what. Hence as more "straight"
people interact with LGBT couples,
they discover there is no difference.
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Enjoying life's simple pleasure is
more satisfying than anything the
corporate arena ever offered. After
a few months away from the grind
theres a spring in my step and I'm
humming a tune. No, I'm not losing
it. Actually I've found "it" and so
much more. For many reasons we
leave our souls at the office. While
at times I doubted I could ever
enjoy life sans a career, I now do
whatever I want whenever I want!
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
We all make mistakes. Fortunately
over the past twelve months I've
learned that redemption is waiting
for those willing to embrace it.
Forgiveness involves honesty and
often one is hesitant to face reality.
In some cases I had to let go while
in others I had to reach out. In the
end I'm closer to those who really
matter. It's simply about priorities.
We each choose either rapture or
torture. We set our own course!
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Confronted with stupidity, one can
only learn what not to do. I have to
admit that I've had more than a few
surprises this year. Some hurt me in
ways I still can't understand. Others
tried to slur those like me to no avail.
While I thought I had the answers,
slowly I discovered that what I did
not know actually could hurt me. In
our ever changing world all of life's
questions and those who pose them
constantly evolve. And so did I...
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
I realize that all of the above may
seem maudlin. However in truth,
I learned something new every day
last year. Not only am I a year older,
I'm three hundred and sixty five days
wiser. Hence I'm ready to face 2015
with more than optimism. For the
first time in many years I'm at peace
with who I am, where I live, plus
whatever life brings next. Through
good or bad times I will gain more
than I'll lose and that's life's gift.
Lesson learned - PATIENCE.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)