Thursday, May 4, 2017


Home alone
Frank has left me. Well at least until sometime
in the early fall. He has returned to Montana to
tend his garden, care for his Dad, and be where
he truly belongs... HOME. While part of me is
beyond happy that we're able to facilitate a life
that straddles the best of two worlds, I'm beyond
miserable when we're apart. Last night I stayed
at home in a daze. So upset that I didn't want to
drink. Hence I did what comes naturally... I ATE
and ATE and ATE. And before nine o'clock p.m.
I was deep into what can only be described as a
self induced food coma. Thus it's fairly obvious
that I'm in BIG TROUBLE.
Substitue teachers
When distressed we all search for a panacea.
For some that's booze or the shoe department
at Bergdorf Goodman. And occasionally for
a few, the comfort of some stranger. However
my comfort zone inevitably involves comfort
food. Thus nothing makes things better than
a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Even
if it's from a box labeled "Swanson." In theory
anything that satiates the pain is worth any
residual effect. However given I'm already
stretching the boundaries of my plus sized
wardrobe, I can't continue to consider food
my happy place. So how can I resist?!
Scale compensation
You see, I've been through this before. For
ten years Frank and I have maintained our
home base in Montana. Plus a satellite abode
wherever my job required. Overall this dual
habitation works quite well and confirms that
absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yet in
my case being far away from the one I love
also dramatically increases my caloric intake.
And given I've no desire to return to Montana
in a piano box, I must stop eating. Otherwise
even Frank will wonder who that fat man at
the door with a suitcase could possibly be.
Thus this summer it's my season to DIET.
Outer limits
Obviously there are a million ways to skin
a fat cat. As proven by those slim Jim's on
television hawking Nutrisystem for men.
However I've always preferred to eat out
of the box. Thus pre-packaged chemical
laden portions are not for me. Of course
I could eat healthy. However for whatever
reason devouring a ton of tofu and quinoa
still seem to put on the pounds. Especially
those organic vegan coconut macaroons.
The smartest approach is to cut my portions
in half. But that would involve drinking one
Manhattan which is a beyond impossible!
On a roll
What's a temporarily single, lonely, and fat gay
man to do? During this initial transition phase,
absolutely nothing. I plan to enjoy life to it's
fullest through May. My job requires that I'm
frequently on the road - where it's impossible
to diet. I may escape up to Connecticut for a
weekend and eat to my heart's delight. Bestie
"T" and I will celebrate our birthdays. Then I
fly to Montana for the week of Memorial Day.
Once all of that is over, I'll be ready to shift
into reduction mode. Meanwhile my only real
risk is that I may suddenly POP. Which could
involve an errant airborne shirt button...
Profile in courage
My ultimate goal is to become half the man
I now am. Thus I plan to walk everywhere,
eat wisely, drink moderately, and also stop
beating myself up. Sadly there seem to be
few miracles in today's world. Thus I am
going to have to lose the weight one pound
at a time. I'm willing to make sacrifices for
the sake of fitting into those Cucinelli jackets
hanging in my closet back in Montana. This
summer I'll try to put things in perspective
and find a sense of balance. While the odds
may be against me - somehow theres a slim
chance that I'll end up in a better place!