Thursday, February 25, 2016


Gotta go
There are times when one simply has
to think differently. Rather than focus
on whatever mess you're in, it's better
to think pretty thoughts. After all, you
really can't alter your current state of
reality. However you can most certainly
change your outlook by simply setting
up a series of smoke and mirrors that
in essence, distract from the facts. We
all have our own individual recipes for
deceit. However I thought it might help
some of you to share my formula for
subterfuge. So, let's get out of here!
Shift focus
For most of us getting out of the house
is a ticket to redemption. Whether it's
a walk around the block or a hike down
a trail less traveled we simply need to
leave the scene of the crime. However
any sort of athletic endeavor is rarely
what comes first to my mind. I would
rather stew in the comfort of my own
carefully controlled environment. And
that's where flowers come in. Whenever
I'm upset I stop and smell the roses. Or
admire the orchids. Both are reminders
that God is still in control.
Bag it
The other day we were discussing what
our last meal might be. My immediate
response was "potato chips." Whenever
I need instantaneous redemption from
any crisis at hand, I grab a bag. While
in theory not advised by health experts,
a heaping helping of deep fat fried chips
if nothing else distracts me from the bad
matters at hand. Once deep into a bag of
kettle fried glory, suddenly nothing else
matters except choosing between salted
or barbecue flavored. However one must
never forget a big bowl of onion dip...
Glow away
Whenever I think this world stinks, all
I do is light up. A Cire Trudon candle
that is. While I've got a very long fuse
there comes a time when even it burns
out. Thats when I light my fire. Once
enveloped in the fragrant aura of a self
contained conflagration, one realizes
that civilization still exists. Much like
a can of Lysol, a lovely scented candle
can temporarily mask whatever is rotten
in Denmark. And while ultimately fate
will catch up with you, in the meantime
my motto is "burn baby burn!"
Switch channels
When life gets tough, I tune out. For
me sitting in front of the boob tube is
the ultimate escape. Whenever I want
to be anyplace but here, I look to Mr.
Spock for inspiration. With one press
of any remote button I can instantly
teleport myself to a different time and
place. Watching any of those bizarre
reality shows removes me from my
reality to a more surreal (and safer)
space. And suddenly, whatever pushed
me over the edge is irrelevant. After all,
my life can't be as bad as theirs. Is it?
Pick your poison
Of course one can self medicate.
Whether that's Valium or booze
is up to you. Yet such quick fixes
only dull one's senses. Inevitably
there's always a morning after.
Hence I see no benefit to wasting
one's time in a compromised state.
Whereas downing a box of donuts
or a coconut cake can often satisfy
the hungry heart. Plus engorging
on junk food rarely ends up with
having one's stomach pumped.
Sugar high anyone?
Say good buy
Back when we lived in civilization,
shopping was the ultimate quick fix.
A nice visit to Bergdorf Goodman or
Barneys easily cured life's ills. Rather
than being burdened with problems,
one was quickly overloaded with full
shopping bags. Sadly cruising eBay
for bargains long distance defers any
instantaneous gratification. I could
shop locally. But somehow having
a new tractor in the driveway won't
float this fashion victim's boat. The
good news is I'm saving money...
Kiss off
There was a time in my life when the
best place to run away from reality
was into the bedroom. Satisfying my
sexual appetite was often the perfect
antidote to stressful situations. Few
argue that physically reconfirming
one's affection for their better half
post an argument more than makes
up for any prior turmoil. However
that's not the healthiest way to resolve
differences. While a climax may defer
the inevitable, at some point one must
talk it out. We'll chat about that later...