Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The meat of the matter

Fried and true?
Well, at this point I'm fairly confident
that someone wants to eliminate all
of the joy out of our lives. Last week
scientists released a new study that in
theory proves that red and processed
meats cause cancer. Which if nothing
else causes one to pause at the skillet.
How could something that tastes so
good at least in theory be so bad that
it could kill us. All I can say is that if
bacon, sausage, charcuterie, and all
processed meats are eliminated from
my diet - I'd rather die sooner than later.
Enough already
Is anybody else as confused or angry
as I am? In an age where bacon is in
everything from chocolate truffles to
ice cream - how could anybody have
the nerve to tell us we can't eat it?!
Given I've never met a sausage that
I didn't like, who's the balls to build
a case against processed protein?
Quite frankly I'm not enamored with
the idea of any missing links from my
breakfast fare. However the fact that
I  shouldn't eat a pastrami or corned
beef sandwich just might kill me.
Raw deal
Help me with this - since the dawn of
time humans have been carnivores. The
difference between us and cavemen is
that they killed their prey and ate it raw
until they discovered fire. Therefore my
first reaction is to limit my diet to steak
tartare. The problem is that even when
beef is raw, it's still "red" and hence is
potentially dangerous. Even worse, the
"other white meat" - pork - is a fraud
given in fact it's considered RED by all
of the experts. To which my response is...
A wing and a prayer
I love poultry but unfortunately it
doesn't show me the love. Years ago
my allergist officially identified the
little cluckers as a no no. It wasn't
that they would kill me. However
the residual effect of consuming my
feathered friends results in a cloud
that just might kill Frank. And so
I tend to stay our of the hen house.
Of course there's always turkey but
I find Tryptophan rather a bore. Is
it time to go hunting for a gaggle
of geese, pheasant, or grouse?
Off the hook?
Let's not forget fish. However given
we're at least a thousand miles from
an ocean, getting fresh is rather tough.
Besides even if in theory it's good for
you, there's all sorts of other things to
worry about. Whereas farm to table is
often a healthy choice, when it comes
to fish it's not recommended. Thus the
best choice is going wild which means
rather limited choices here in the wild
west. In the old days sushi would have
been my first choice. But again, that's
not going to happen out on this range.
Off the hoof
Last but not least I could become a
vegetarian. Given the risks associated
with pesticides, genetically modified
organisms, and who knows what else,
chances are there's danger at the root
of everything! Could our greatest risk
be the danger of misinformation? Is
it possible that there can be too much
of a good thing especially when that
involves theoretical good intentions?
One can't help but wonder if it's even
possible to avoid eating badly. What
if we all starve to death instead?!
Till we meat again
In the end I've decided that it's better
to die happy, well fed, and too young.
During my tenure here on earth we've
been warned that everything was bad
for us at one time or another. The flip
flop of healthy eating is if nothing else
confusing. At some point something is
going to kill you. Whether it's coffee,
cholesterol, or a grilled chop - the odds
are against us. Hence I'm going to eat
whatever I want whenever I want to.
Hopefully someone will discover that
too much of a bad thing is good for you!