Thursday, October 24, 2013

If I could turn back time...

Did you see that?
There are some people that simply
won't let you get away with anything.
Like some sort of super humans,
their x-ray vision will detect almost
anything "not so" immediately. If
there's a run in your stocking (does
anybody still wear hose?), they see
it. If your hem is sagging, they make
sure you know that they know. And
if there was any chance that you're
not telling the truth, they immediately
sense it. More important, they quickly
inform you that you've been busted!
Sixth sense
My Mother was one of those uber
beings. Her claim to fame was that
she could immediately tell who had
false teeth or was wearing a wig.
Given she never asked the victim
outright for confirmation, one had
to take her at her word. My only
explanation for this unique talent
is that Ethel carefully developed
the skill set early on in life.
Head of the class
As a young girl Ethel had the most
beautiful home economics teacher
at Miss Porter's. Crowned with a
perfect marcelled blonde bob, she
glided through her classroom and
dazzled every debutante within.
Then suddenly one day this lovely
lass brushed against one of the fly
paper streamers hanging above.
As she moved on, her wavy hair
remained behind waving in the
wind. Left naked, she quickly fled
the room, never to be seen again.
All an illusion
In those days ladies of advanced age
used bells and whistles to mask the
ravages of time. Dainty hats disguised
bald spots. Filmy veils distracted from
wrinkles. Delicate blue rinses softened
dirty grey. Elegantly tailored gloves
masked liver spots. Chic bracelet length
sleeves revealed fore arms which were
the only part of that extremity that still
had any hint of youth remaining.
Face value
Since the beginning of time, women
have battled the clock. In their search
for the fountain of youth, ladies will
do almost anything to stem the tide of
reality. They pound, pop, plump, puff,
paralyze, and even poison their flesh.
Whereas most gentlemen (sans metro
sexuals) simply let it all hang out.
For whatever reason, the male sex is
comfortable in our untouched skins!
Love conquers all
One of my favorite Bette Davis
flicks is Mr. Skeffington. It tells
the tale of a timeless beauty.
When hit with a horrific bout of
dyptheria, she goes into hiding.
Post recovery an army of beauty
experts are unleashed only to
unveil a ravaged old lady. In the
end she accepts her destiny and
reunites with her blind ex who
still adores her. As the music hits
a crescendo, she says "A woman
is beautiful when she is loved."