Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Gone hunting...

A matter of balance
In Montana there are three things that
are of upmost importance. They are
While some of us try to keep this trinity
in balance, others find it challenging after
they've secured a license to kill. Especially
on weekends, most of our local gentlemen
disappear out into the wild for a dose of
male bonding. Leaving their wives free to
bask in the glory of a house sans hubby.
Boom town
Hunting Season is one of the biggest
commercial phenomena in our local
economy. Hunters from all over fly
into our beloved state to track, shoot,
kill, and mount their prey. The fiscal
benefit beyond hunting licenses is
transportation, lodging, dining, meat
processing fees, and taxidermy. Plus
a few guns, bows, and ammo sold at
the Sports Center downtown (right).
Dressed to kill
Every fall it's rather fun to watch fully
outfitted Wall Street bears lumbering
through town. While many may look
dapper in a custom Brioni suits back
home, upon donning camouflage togs
most lose their urban panache. In fact,
the added padding atop amply padded
frames tends to cause them to amble
along Main Street with a gait that is
oddly akin to those soon to be smitten.
Male call
The other day I was gobsmacked
by a post card solicitation that I
received from the  Lewistown
First Christian Church. Given
I'm devout Catholic, this missive
must have been sent en masse to
"friends" within our 59457 zip.
No forwarding address
The postcard front pictured a vigilant hunter
scanning the horizon. With these words...

Church designed for hunting season
Church for those who love the outdoors
Church the way it ought to be

each week for five weeks.
The trap is set
I went to the church website.
Here's your link to QUEST. 
Given hunters hit the woods
every weekend during huntin'
season, Pastor Rick Page has
created a Thursday service for
those who like to kill (animals).
Loaded for bear
For this alternative form of celebration,
the church sanctuary is fully adorned
with vestiges and visages of prey past.
Including a large stuff black bear which
sits dead center on the altar. While the
God of the Old Testament demanded
that all graven images be thrown out,
apparently he has given First Christian
Church a reprieve. It seems that musty
pelts, skulls and horns are necessary to
attract the most elusive of prey... MEN.
And just in case that doesn't work there
is the added incentive of a FREE GUN.
Ready, aim, INSPIRE!
Yes dear friends, you read correctly.
Every Thursday evening during the
fall hunting season the Lewistown
First Christian Church will be holding
a drawing for a free gun. However,
let me be clear. In order to be eligible
for said drawing, one must attend the
ENTIRE Thursday QUEST service.
Apparently for some, their ultimate
quest is not the power of God. But
rather it seems to be free fire power.
Even in Montana, fact can be stranger
than fiction! HAPPY HUNTING!