Friday, March 15, 2013


After over 30 years in the
business, I still HATE most
store fitting rooms. Long gone
are the days when you sat in
padded splendor awaiting the
arrival of your next frock.
Today you have to shlep a
pile of garments, get a number,
and squeeze into a tiny room!
What happened to civilization?
I don't know how you girls do it.
No matter where I go, from
TJMax to Bergdorf Goodman,
there are never enough fitting rooms.
I must apologize to all womanhood as
there are always thousands of you waiting
for the next room. But I guess you're
used to it since it seems that you are also
always on line at most Ladies Rooms.
Is this an error in planning?
Or do females just like to take their time?

Give me some room!
I thought phone booths were obsolete. Apparently the people who design these dressing shacks haven't been told. I'm a big guy and the last thing I want to do after all these years is get back in a closet! It often hurts to try something on!

Clean up your act!
It's amazing how lazy and dirty people are. That's the only reason I can attribute the mounds of debris and piles of pins on most fitting room floors. It's more than apparent that many retailers have simply eliminated staff. With no paid employees to clear away the stuff, one must deal with other shopper's rejects. The pins are the worst. How many times have you been stuck by that hidden spike lingering in the dirty carpeting? Honestly, it's painful!
What was that?l
Lighting is the worst element in most dressing rooms. I can't explain the color but suddenly the stud I saw at home is transformed into a ghoulish troll! Whether the lighting actually reveals the real me or not - a fitting room should be the ultimate fantasy land. A place where everybody and everything looks FABULOUS!
Mirror mirror...
I know they're often two way. And if that means the guys on the other side see the horror show on my side - SO BE IT! If you want to know why retail sales are down, simply consider these reflective glass surfaces. Many times they're covered with excess stickers. Or finger prints left by some toddler with a lollipop. And nothing encourages a sale more than messages sprawled across one's already distorted image.
I need a miracle.
Please, somebody take on this issue. There's got to be a better way! My opinion is that if we can put people on the moon, we can certainly create a pleasant environment where one can calmly improve one's appearance. Even if you only look good in that room, for one fleeting moment, it's better that going through live looking like you really look.
I'm old, fat, and truly need help!