Saturday, February 9, 2013

What a turkey!

Yesterday's saga continues...

As our celebratory turkey feast neared, 
it became obvious that my Mother was NOT pleased to be hosting the "P's". And just as apparent that my Dad insisted she do just that.

The Perfect Setting.

Obviously Mother's strategy 
was pure and simple intimidation.
She laid a course of epicurean land mines
that only a seasoned veteran could navigate.
- Gossamer venetian lace table cloth.
- Crisp, monogrammed damask napkins.
- Great Grandmothers paper thin porcelain.
- Perfectly aligned rows of heirloom silver.
- Multiple glasses awaiting several courses.
- Fresh flowers in antique cut crystal.

Dress Rehearsal.

Ethel donned a sleek sheath of peau de soie.
Plus requisite ancestral diamonds and pearls.

Mrs. "P" went very Judy Garland Show.
Beaded top, tight capris, Delman flats.
All topped by a Finnish Jaguar Mink.

Howard wore a perfectly cut grey flannel.
The palest blue shirt brought out his eyes.

Whereas Mr. "P" opted for a navy sharkskin.
Plus skinny tie with a huge diamond tie pin.

Take you places please.

At the appointed hour, our guests arrived.

The dynamic was as awkward 
as the signing of the Versailles Treaty.
Suddenly Mother became very "Eleanor".
Chatting away as she fluffed pillows 
and proffered hors d'oeuvres.
Meanwhile Dad carefully monitored 
the spectacle from the sidelines.
Making sure that Ethel remained 
gracious rather than condescending.
Things were not off to a good start.

Curtain Up!

My father carved the prized bird.
Duchess Potatoes, Baby Peas, 
Glazed Carrots, and cresent rolls 
were passed to the prisoners.
And then there was silence. 
Nobody had anything to say.

The Grand Finale

Then suddenly, just after a sip of tea, 
Dad sneezed! Roaring like a lion 
he spewed hot darjeling all over the table 
(and Mrs. "P", seated to his right). 
Suddenly, a pea popped out of his nose.
From there it ricocheted off the Baccarat. 
Finding a resting place on Mr "P's" plate.

You could have heard a pea drop.

Exit Stage Left

Now, I wish I could tell you that everybody laughed and we ended up having a lovely evening.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Shortly after the "pea incident", the "P's" made their excuses, never to return again.