Friday, January 16, 2015

I'm putting you on hold

Sorry wrong number
Have any of you tried to call me?
If so, I'm fairly certain you haven't
had any luck. That's because I lost
my cellular phone at least a week
ago. Who knows where it went?
I searched high and low throughout
the house given the day that it went
away, I never left our abode. So I've
spent hours sifting through trash,
pecking already packed Christmas
decor, hunting under furniture, and
picking pockets. All to no avail.
Finally today, I admitted defeat.
Off line
And honestly, that's just fine with me.
Probably my rather lax attitude is due
to the fact that I'm non-communicative
at heart. Now I'm fairly certain many
of you are rather taken aback by said
statement. However the truth is I can
be a bit of a loner. Fully self sufficient,
nothing would make me happier than
to never have to chat on the telephone
again. Yet in our techno fluent world
someone lacking a phone is akin to
those blind, deaf, and mute. So sans
my telly, am I now dumb or dumber?
Under cover
If Helen Keller could find a way out
of her isolation, the least I could do
is get re-hooked up. Which leads me
to the second part of my phone saga.
Thanks to sage advice from my local
Verizon representative, I purchased
phone insurance so in theory any
error of my ways was covered. Like
most things in life redemption is
rarely easy. Yet per the experts, all
I had to do was file a claim via the
internet or telephone. Given I'd no
phone, I logged on with trepidation.
Emergency call
It couldn't have been easier! Within
minutes I'd filled out a claim, paid
my deductible, and was assured that
a new phone would arrive the next
day. Finally a stress free, no hassle,
carefree solution to life's problems!
After my temporary respite from telecommunication, my somewhat
jaded faith in technology has been
renewed! That means that all of you
who've been trying to get a hold of
me can call me in the morning. But
the question is... will I answer?!
Tone deaf
In theory our lives are easier due to
technology. However in many ways
it's much too complex. In the good
old days if you weren't home, the
guy on the other line had to redial
at a later time. The responsibility
of keeping in touch was on them -
not you. One could drive to work
in peace and quiet and not have to
"check in" with the boss. And each
morning you could take a dump
sans answering the phone. texting,
or wiping out one's old messages.
Upward mobility
The ability to chat whenever, wherever
must be attractive to some. But I must
reinforce that I'm not one of said pack.
The last days have been pure bliss.
For the first time in ages, I've been
able to control my intake and hence
peace of mind. However there's no
reason that bliss can't continue. All
communication devices are for our
convenience. Like it or not, most of
those reaching out to touch you can
wait. Ultimately it's your decision
when, where, and who you pick up.
A job well hung
While my residual schoolboy desire
to please still lurks deep within, I'm
not going to answer the phone just
because it rings. Nor will I listen to
your voice mail upon receipt. Now
that I've had the chance to collect
my thoughts, I've decided that the
majority of daily blathering is for
naught. Thus I plan to maintain full
control of my peace of mind once
my new phone arrives. While the
initial withdrawal was tough, I'm
not going back no matter who calls!