Monday, August 19, 2013

A City Besieged...


Enough is enough!
I've absolutely had it. The tourists swarming all over Manhattan are beyond SLOBS. Frankly I can't even begin to imagine what they're thinking! Mediocrity has taken over our fair city in the form of shorts, tees, tanks, flip flops, and not much else. What happened to pride - straight pride that is?!

Pack it up!
Years ago, one planned travel wardrobes carefully before for a major jaunt. Elegant ensembles were carefully packed between layers of gossamer tissue in a commodious steamer trunk. It now appears that anybody who plans to get out of Dodge (Michigan) simply throws some dirty laundry into a carry on.
Lost in translation.
There's no excuse for a messy demeanor. Even the hordes of international tourists look like they just rolled out of bed. Maybe it's jet lag but honestly I highly doubt that. For some reason visitors have decided that they don't need to fuss for New Yorkers. Obviously they are oblivious as we stroll by in our sartorial splendor. Tokyo, do you read me? 目を覚ます (wake up)!
No reservations.
Last weekend I had lunch at Bergdorf's with "A". In days gone by, the ladies who lunched were adorned in their finest frocks. Today one may see a table full of Sex In The City girls sitting next to a slob topped with his (or her) baseball cap INSIDE! Thank God Ethel is dead. That would've killed her!
Move along please!
Slovenly attire aside, our visitors seem to have navigational issues. Strolling five across does not encourage traffic flow. Add to that abrupt STOPS in the midst of sidewalk traffic and suddenly these neophytes are in danger.
Many times I've just averted a collision. Otherwise some idling Iowan might have been smote by a swing from my mighty Birkin.
Traveler's Advisory.
I end with a few suggestions to help make your trip easier for all of us.
Look your best!
With worldwide Internet there's no reason to be a hick. Plan your looks, shop the town, strut your stuff, and most important be proud!
Step aside:
We're all in a rush to get somewhere else. So please, leave a little room for the natives, look before you stop, walk single file, and be careful!
Welcome to Manhattan!