Comfortably complacent
After a week in Montana and
a frenzied return to Manhattan,
I did absolutely nothing yesterday.
Never left the house, made the bed,
nor did a load of laundry. Whether
my inactivity was due to age, apathy,
exhaustion, or over indulgence isn't
important. What's most amazing is
that for the first time in my life...
I can do absolutely nothing and
actually enjoy doing just that.
My life wasn't always that way
and looking back I can't help
but think how sad that is.
Misplaced dreams
When I was young, there wasn't
anything I couldn't and wouldn't
take on. For whatever reason I felt
the need to make everything just
a little harder. I simply couldn't be
satisfied with the status quo, I had
to push for more. Deep within me
there was a drive to succeed. And
I now ask myself, where did that
excess exertion actually take me?
I doubt it did nothing more than
complicate my already very, very
complicated existence.
Wasted energy
When hosting cocktails for one hundred of my dearest friends, why did I think anybody cared about my monogrammed and pressed linens napkins? Or that their glasses were owned and not rented? For whatever reason those things made me feel better about myself. It was important because it mattered to me.
Ill gotten gain
I must have been searching for some
elusive something. Was it validation?
Recognition? Status? Most of those
people I once cared to impress have
long forgotten about me (and I
them). The few that kept in touch
did so because they cared about me
and not all the accoutrements. I can
now look back and think, how odd
that I couldn't (or wouldn't) see that.
Broken hearts
I've been very fortunate to have loved
and to have been loved. Sometimes it
worked and at other times it didn't.
No matter who it was, our shared time
together made my life better and I'm
eternally grateful for that. Ultimately
I found a partner who was "perfect"
for me. His love actually makes me
a better person. That's because he is
the perfect balance that puts it all in
perspective. Slowly he helped me to
drop all of the pretense and to simply
be happy being little old "me".
Lost loves
There's no doubt I tried to be the best parent I could be. I made so many mistakes it's a miracle my children grew to be adults. What is certain is that they have always been loved. Sadly that's not something everyone can say. Neurosis aside, I hope that someday they can accept the fact that even fathers are human.
Misspent youth
I built my career through hard work. tough negotiation, and a bit of luck. Companies came and went as I was sold more times than an old Buick. However along the way I built friendships that have lasted long after our roles as coworkers faded away. And looking back, that's what
I truly consider my success.
Mellow maturity
The way to enjoy life is to let it just happen. Planning, plotting, and worrying, about things you can't control never works. Accepting your strengths and weaknesses enables one to go with the flow. Someday I hope that my epitath will be
"HE ACCOMPLISHED
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
AND WAS GOOD AT IT!"
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
AND WAS GOOD AT IT!"
