Saturday, May 7, 2016


Straight talk
I try my best to stay out of trouble.
Obviously I strayed from the straight
and narrow years ago. During said
journey of self discovery I pushed
myself to the outer limits of propriety.
While not a prude prior - in hindsight
I was a bit naive. Therefore it made
sense that I literally had to learn the
hard way in order to find my personal
"G" spot. For most of us sex is a subject
matter best left unsaid. However today
I feel the need to chat about the facts
of life. So fasten your seat belts kiddies!
Parental guidance
My parents were by their very nature
conservative. However I know for a
fact that they had quite an active sex
life. Anybody who knew them could
tell they adored each other. The fact
is they couldn't keep their hands to
themselves. However said touchy
feely approach did not apply to candor
about sexuality. Early on I learned that
when their bedroom door was shut - it
was off limits. As was any conversation
or information related to the facts of life.
In other words the less said, the better.
Basic instinct
Most pubescents learn about the birds
and the bees from peers not parents.
Said process of trial and error often
involves more than show and tell. Yet
what in theory is innocent invariably
gets one in trouble. My first experiences
involved other boys which at the time
seemed perfectly natural. All too soon
thereafter I realized it was anything but
that. And so rather than sink deeper into
what I considered a sinful state, I buried
said natural urges as deep as I possibly
could. And... forgot all about them.
Father knows best
The only conversation I ever had with
my father about sex was the morning
of my first wedding. As I was getting
dressed in my wedding duds, Howard
came into the room and sat on the foot
of the bed. Obviously nervous, Dad
leaned forward and cleared his throat.
"I have one word of advice. Whatever
you do... be gentle. Some guys go wild."
A moment later he exited the room prior
to any chance of questions or answers.
Fortunately post prior adult education
I knew what I was doing. But... did I?!
Miracle cure
During my ensuing experiment in
normalcy, something just wasn't right.
All good intentions aside, our marriage
was "off". While neither of us could
explain why - we were both unhappy
Finally it ended yet I still struggled
with what had gone wrong. Slowly
I found the answer deep within me.
And soon thereafter crossed the line
that led to a gay bar.  Much like any
new convert, I couldn't get enough.
The more was definitely the merrier
as I made up for lost opportunities.
Kiss off
They say that practice makes perfect
and honestly, I must wholeheartedly
agree. After a long period of trial and
error I finally figured out that all I truly
wanted was to share my life with one
man. However I couldn't have come
to that conclusion were it not for said
phase of exploration. And while not
necessarily proud of all of the notches
on my proverbial bed post, I needed that
hands on experience in order to graduate
magna come lately. Hence I am deeply
grateful to all who I have loved and lost.
Now and then
Many pursue advanced degrees in adult
education. However trouble invariably
ensues when one does their homework
anyplace but home. Most of us consider
infidelity a mortal sin. Yet rarely does
one stray without just cause. Familiarity
breeds contempt. Thus the greatest sin
in most relationships is an unwillingness
to face reality. Rather than embrace,
laud, and celebrate the one we've sworn
to love many chase what they think they
can't find at home - ADVENTURE. Yet
nothing could be farther than the truth.
Hide and seek
The fact is nobody knows you better than
your better half. Most relationships end
up in a state of suspended animation.
When numbed by complacency most
forget the magic that initially brought
them together. However it's still there,
waiting to be rediscovered. You simply
have to look for love in all of the right
places. After all you've both seen each
other's good, bad, and ugly for years.
Hence if you both can look past each
other's liabilities, a treasure trove of red
hot assets are waiting to be leveraged.
Private affair
Sex is addictive. However nothing
is more intoxicating than love. Who
doesn't crave adventure? However at
this point in life why risk everything
simply because you're bored? There's
no cheaper trick than indulging in
exactly what you need and want - at
home in the privacy of your bedroom.
If anybody knows how to push your
buttons it's the one who has been there,
done that time and time again! So why
not throw a surprise party tonight.
Trust me... the BEST is yet to come!