Saturday, May 14, 2016


Highway robbery
It’s funny what you notice as you travel.
After living in rural Montana for several
years, any residual road rage is now long
gone. Dealing with metropolitan traffic
has become but a dim recollection. But
that doesn’t mean that we country folk
don’t face obstacles while in the process
of getting between here and there. Major
detriments to speedy conveyance exist
here in Lewistown and far beyond. Way
out west said challenges are not all that
different than those in the big city. All
lie waiting to deter forward momentum.
Move your carcass
Here in town a certain contingent has
taken over our streets. Deer of every
shape and size regularly jaywalk with
no regard for the law. Meaning that one
never knows when they might literally
bump into some doe eyed vamp. Once
beyond our borders - our highways are
lined with the remnants of those deerly
departed. Proving we humans remain
in control when behind the wheel. But
I advise that when possible you avoid
running over a horny buck. I not only
damages your pride but vehicle also!
Leader of the pack
Little old ladies rule the road far beyond
Pasadena. As proven by local seniors
who navigate our city streets at about
the same speed as they maintain when
using their walkers. Freedom may be
the right of all Americans however
there comes a time when one must
put the pedal to the metal. Long ago
our parents taught us how to drive.
However a lifetime later, it's time that
they gave their keys to a designated
driver. Limiting another's mobility is
tough but we must keep our roads safe.
Limited access
Every road that leads into Lewistown
is but two lanes at most. Once you get
off our urban grid - it’s fairly certain
that your vehicle will resemble a dirt
buggy within a few minutes. While
our outlying gravel roads are fairly
well maintained, one easily spews a
cloud of debris in transit. Meaning
that it’s almost impossible to protect
one's windshield from pings and dings
due to flying gravel. No wonder most
locals drive trucks. Sitting high above
the rest - it’s easier to rise above it.
Truck stop
Which leads me to one of my personal
pet peeves. I totally understand why one
needs to drive on all fours when beyond
city limits. However I can’t comprehend
why said urban pioneers can’t turn down
the volume while driving past my home.
If I wanted to hear gears grinding and
engines roaring I would attend the drag
races at our Fair Grounds. Just because
you’ve got the power doesn’t mean you
have to revel in it on Boulevard. And so
please do us all a favor and slow down
when you're driving in town!

Deep and wide
Sadly all of the trains left our local railroad
station long ago. Since then Lewistown's
rail beds have been transformed into a trail
system. Meaning that everything we need
must hit the road before getting to us. While
I may have more than my share of excess
baggage, attempting to pass another's wide
load is not only frustrating, it’s more than
dangerous. It's amazing the huge things
that travel through town on flatbeds. And
even for a guy who likes rear ends - having
to crawl up some trucker's fat ass for mile
after mile is NEVER satisfying.
Right of way
All of the above is probably why I’ve
been trying to walk everywhere lately.
While afoot one interacts with what
passes by in a dramatically different
manner. It’s been said that “getting there
is half the fun” and I couldn’t agree more.
Over the past month I’ve seen things that
I never knew existed. All while losing
a few pounds along the way.  So the next
time you need to hit the road, why not
consider taking an alternative mode of
transportation. If it’s good enough for all
of those deers - why not join this queer?