Today marks the second anniversary
of montanaroue.com. That means
I've written a blog every day - seven
hundred and thirty days. I can't help
but think that's an accomplishment.
And if I step back and am honest with
myself, there are few other things I've
done every day since November 2012
that weren't biological. That includes
consuming, sleeping, and eliminating.
Could this blog actually be a form of
intellectual sustenance or excrement?
After two years am I still full of crap?
Many ask me why I write this silly
thing. The answer is simple, pure...
unadulterated self indulgence. And
if I'm honest I'll admit that I like to
hear myself think. Actually I enjoy
little more than hearing what you
think about my daily vomit. Over
the past seven hundred and thirty
days I've made hundreds of cyber
friends through this digital diary. It
seems that my spewing has charmed,
engaged, and moved many of you.
And that... makes it all worth while.
I do worry. After two years, have I said all
that needs to be said? Or have I slowly and
miserably become irrelevant? This isn't my
job. I have no contract. I can stop whenever
the spirit moves me. And yet I worry about
all of you who read montanaroue every day.
Would I ever let you down? Chances are
that for at least another year you've nothing
to worry about. You see, writing this blog
creates a sense of structure in my life. This
daily task must be completed. Hence I've
structured my life around it and that keeps
me focused. I couldn't survive without it.
Is this daily indulgence an exercise
egotistic emission? Do I think my
life is more special than yours? Or
have I figured it all out and hence
now must lecture the rest of you
fools? Absolutely not. Even if none
of you read this damned thing I'm
certain that I would have to write it.
That's because it's become my own
sounding board. The equivalent of
a shrink's office couch. A forum in
which to share my joys and sorrows.
And hopefully soon, I'll figure it out.
The fact is I have NO answers. Even if
I think I do, reality will prove me wrong
within the next day or two. Our lives are
a constant exercise in education. While
I rather enjoy that remedial experience,
I haven't graduated magna cum laude.
In truth I often fail. That's why this blog
is rather important to me. Like riding a
bicycle, whenever I screw up the best
way to get back in life's saddle is to sit
down and share what happened with all
of you. We need each other but honestly
I need you more than you'll ever know.
Affirmation is one of life's greatest
gifts. While I certainly don't write
this blog for kudos, I do adore the
occasional strokes you send my way.
Growing up gay was not the most
pleasant of experiences. Knowing
deep down that you're "odd" only
encourages isolation. The fear that
who you truly are is "wrong" is the
loneliest of feelings. Slowly I worked
my way out of a prison of self denial.
I've found that sharing that journey
with you takes us all to a better place.
After two years, one thing is confirmed.
We're all in this together - conjoined in
some odd way. Hence the answer to the
title question of today's missive... two
are better than one. In my not so private
life, my better half completes me. His
love, focus, and candor supplement my
every weakness. Even from a distance,
you do the same for me in other ways.
Knowing that others feel the way I do
affirms and empowers. As Thanksgiving
is Thursday, it's time that I thank all of
you for making me a better man. Kudos!