Thursday, September 19, 2019


Gone but not forgotten
Hunting season is just beginning. And
with it comes it's greatest casualty -
those left behind. For some the idea of
having their significant other out of the
house for months on end is fabulous.
Yet somehow after a few weeks it does
get a bit lonely. After you've organized
every closet and done all the laundry
the thrill of going solo quickly fades.
In theory one knows that it's right to
allow one's beloved to pursue their
life's passion. But when all alone one
can't help but think "why isn't it me?"
Boy oh boy
The problem is that the longer one is
with someone else... sadly the more
complacent some of us get. Most men
and women share little more than a
physical attraction. Hence many males
prefer to freeze in some tree rather than
redecorate the living room. For many
reasons hunting and pecking Pinterest
holds little allure and honestly girls...
can you blame them? Rather than fight
Mother Nature, I suggest all of you
hunting widows win the battle of the
sexes by leveraging your "down time."
Satisfaction guaranteed
Boys will be boys and that means
until Christmas they're out of the
house and hence out of your hair.
While your man is out bagging a
buck I suggest you start shopping
immediately. Be it via the Internet
or on a safari to civilization - pull
out your credit card and GO! The
fact is he'll never be home to see
your ill gotten gain or pay the bill.
Which means the more the merrier!
By the time he returns, it will all be
quite old and... non returnable.
Girls gone wild
I have a theory that much more wine is
consumed during hunting season than
at any other time of the year. Whether
you sip some as you scrapbook or slurp
with like souls, a little lubrication never
hurt! After all this is your time to howl
and somehow a strong dose of Cabernet
turns up the volume! Use this time to
do whatever you can't when he's home.
So book a table at that chi chi joint. Eat
fish every night. Better yet... pop open
some bubbly and pop some popcorn!
Girls will be girls so ladies... drink up!
Watch out...
Whatever your passion is, indulge!
Many of my girlfriends use this time
to catch up on any chick flicks they've
missed. There's nothing like a Bette
Davis marathon or sitting through
twelve hours of Girls. Releasing one's
inner diva enables you to work through
any prior obstacles to your complete
satisfaction. Soon this will be all over
and you'll have a couple of carcasses
hanging in your garage. And never
forget that most dreaded of hunting
byproducts... taxidermy!
Viva la difference
Relationships are all about yin and yang.
So while they're off in the forest banging
some prey... do whatever it is that makes
you happy! While I would never suggest
a season pass to Chippendale's, there's
something you've always wanted to do
and haven't. It may seem sexist but the
fact is men and women are differently
indifferent. During this hunting season -
rather than get squirelly, get girly! Why
try to domesticate your savage beast?!
Hand him a gun and then quickly push
him out the door! HAPPY HUNTING!