Wednesday, March 28, 2018


More to love
Recently I grabbed one of those rags
sitting beside the grocer's register. I
couldn't resist those before and after
pictures chronicling some celebrity's
battle with the bulge. But what really
grabbed me was the headline "I'm fat
and I don't care because I'm happy!"
If only we could all be as comfortable
gaining girth. Fortunately for some
who battle gravity, God imbues them
with a supernatural gravitas. Enabling
them to confidently carry a few extra
pounds. And so I wonder, why can't I?
Temporary solution
We Baby Boomers are obsessed with
recapturing our youth. Hence we still
admire stars who'll do anything they
can to resemble times past. Consider
Goldie Hawn. It's highly doubtful that
anything real remains on what's left
of the lady in question. In theory she
appears better than ever. Yet close
inspection indicates time marches on.
No matter what one does knees give
out. Skin covering implants becomes
dry and brittle. Thus unless one sleeps
in formaldehyde, nothing stops time.
The last stretch
Hopefully at this point most of us
know what makes us tick, so why
fight our body clocks? The older
we get - the more we question if
anyone can stem the inevitable
tsunami of age related disorders.
Yet we old timers still do our best
look young. Which often requires
shedding pounds or layers of skin.
Why can't we end this cycle of self-
inflicted abuse for vanity's sake?
Given we're all winding down, why
waste what little time we have left?
Excuses, excuses
Many blame their aging challenges
on everyone but themselves. Some
recommend limiting one's intake to
only twenty healthy items. Others
theorize that processed foods are
killing us. Extremists worry that
genetically altered foodstuffs are
secretly driving us to eat much too
much. However the harsh truth is
that every generation fights the
same battle. Therefore we expand,
contract, and morph into updated
versions of our moms and dads.
Easier said than done
In the old days one simply gave up
and bought a girdle. Back then one's
waistline happily grew along with
their assets. While I'm certain some
of our ancestors worried about their
expansion - group dynamics helped
soften any blow. Somewhere in the
sixties we all became obsessed with
being thin. For some it is quite easy.
Frank is perfectly happy nibbling on
half of a sandwich on whole grain
bread. Whereas all I want is a loaded
foot long sub and then some donuts!
Wake up call
Both of us are in essence doing what comes
naturally. I've come to the conclusion that
as long as one doesn't over indulge in either
direction - you're doing just fine. Therefore
I'm stopping with the head games. Ending
all the foolishness. And... emptying out my
closets of all the things that will never fit
again. Rather than try on that shirt one more
time only to realize it's still too small, I'm
throwing it into the "sell" bin. Instead of
beating myself up, I'm joining that exposed
celeb and giving up my battle against the
ravages of time. Are you ready to join us?