Wednesday, March 14, 2018


I ham what I ham
I've been known to occasionally
spout some wisdom. One of my
quips is "Men are pigs but I love
PORK." Yes - I had to kiss a few
chops prior to finding my prince.
But that taught me that most men
are if nothing else, male. Hence
they're arrogant, self absorbed,
callous, and oblivious. And sadly
most allow an organ and not their
brains to do the thinking. While
I may be a man, trust me girls...
I've been there, done them!

Pig headed
Gender issues aside I must admit
that like many other members of
my species - I never turn down an
opportunity to nibble on some pig.
Could there be anything as tasty?!
From bacon to chops to sausage to
ribs to loins - I cannot get enough
of ALL things porcine. Thus pork
maybe too good to resist. Pigging
out may be against some religions.
But I know for a fact that some of
us still make pigs of themselves if
and when nobody is looking. OMG!
Side show
In Montana there is a local specialty
that I'd never seen prior. "Side Pork"
is uncured sliced pork belly. In other
words the raw stuff - untouched -
unsmoked. One simply fries it like
bacon and then liberally douses it
with salt and pepper. Visiting friends
from the east initially scoff at the idea
of eating said fat of the land. And as
it cooks protest the scent of it. Yet
post nibbling upon a crisp slice of the
stuff they become covert converts.
Bring home the bacon
With Easter looming I'll admit that
I'm fervently anticipating a HAM.
While my dearly departed Mother
was challenged in the culinary arts,
like most good WASPS - she knew
how to ham it up. Every spring my
parents arrived with an authentic
Virginia ham in hand. Somehow it
seemed that said cure for what ails
you lasted eons. Hence for at least
two weeks we ate ham sandwiches,
salad, croquettes, and finally a big
pot of split pea soup! Recycling!
Gone but not forgotten
Years ago my Aunt Blanche's son Henry
moved to a farm in Kennebunk, Maine.
A Harvard graduate he loved the idea of
being a gentleman farmer - however he
didn't realize exactly what he was getting
himself into. Soon his barn was home to
two pigs. Shortly they became part of the
family. Every morning they greeted Hank
with celebratory snorts as he came to feed
them. You see, they knew Henry as well
as he knew them. All was fine until came
the time to turn them both into bacon. He
later said two words "NEVER AGAIN!"
Double dipper
We all have secrets we'd rather not
share. Some gourmet delights are
better suited for one's double wide
than penthouse. Yet how can one
turn down a bag filled with deep
fried pork rinds? Nibbling on some
crackling pig flesh could repulse
some. Trust me, once you try the
chocolate dipped variety you'll
snort for joy! Equally as divine is
dipping a piece of pork rind into
some sour cream French onion dip.
You'll never be the same again!
Piggy wiggly
I'm not alone. The other white meat
is in the midst of a renaissance. As
a boy Brooklyn was considered far
flung. Yet now it's the home to any
bon vivant who hasn't migrated to
Queens. Whatever borough one
inhabits pork belly is on the menu.
What was once considered garbage
is now braised to heights of glory.
Then of course theres bacon which
seems to appear in every course. Is
this proof that we're ALL pigs? Well
apparently when it comes to PORK!