Next time keep it at home.

Open house
Don't you wonder if some people
ever look in the mirror before they
leave the house? That was certainly
my question last night as I watched
the Emmy Awards. Festivities like
these often bring out the worst in
the nominees. Some gowns dazzle,
others fizzle. While I admire many
a stylist's oeuvre, others of their ilk
should be awarded for bad taste!

Back seat
Let's just begin this conversation
by agreeing that some things
ought to stay home. We all grew
up with a chair similar to this one.
Back in the day some wild decorator
insisted that your Mother "accent"
the room with a conversation piece.
In the end any discussion of that
item was best left unsaid. In fact
most times it left one speechless.

Bad girl
Who knew that forty years later some
talented soul would don the equivalent
of your Mom's living room upholstery
for the Emmy's?! Honestly, where does
one begin? Some colors compliment the
complexion, others assault the eye. When
decorating a home, one is often advised
to focus on proportion. It's obvious that
the stylist decided that dictum applied to
decor only. In the end one wishes that
our oft deflowered colleen had rejected
her stylist's advice and left the upholstery
where it belonged, at the nursing home.

All in a knot

How many of us grew up spending

the holidays around a table adorned

with a dainty lace tablecloth? Like 

dysfunctional family functions, such

fussy finery seems to have gone the 

way of dusty doilies and antique

antimacassars. Today most of these 

archaic vestments have moved on

up to the attic's cedar chest.

Table for two

Some things go out of style for very good

reasons. Case in point, this deflated dress 

worn by a very talented recipient of a well

deserved award. Frankly it's rather sad that

the primary recognition this lovely lady 

received revolved around this gossamer

gown. Rather than laud her acting success

most focused on her frotsy frock. Not only

did it leave it's wearer flat, it disfigured her

august figure. Sadly bad fashion advice is 

not a criminal offense. While our Homeland

security was not at risk, our aesthetic sense

of style was attacked with a vengeance.

Case closed
Nowadays it's considered modern to
leave one's windows bare. In days of
yore, our forefathers had quite the
opposite opinion. They did everything
possible to mask whatever vision was
behind the heavy hangings they hung
over their glass clad links to the outer
world. An old fashioned idea at best.

Curtain Call
Frankly, I adore this lovely lady.
Beyond her glorious voice, her
charm and mirth seem to be as
boundless as her celebrated girth.
In the case of this ensemble, she
obviously hit a sour note. While
Scarlett O'Hara could pull it off in
a pinch, donning one's favorite
passementerie is not advised.
This ensemble is proof that even
the most monumental maiden
can get lost in a pattern ill scaled
for the human form. Hang it up!

She's a TRAMP!

Faded glory
As you read this entry, I've been standing in Rockefeller Center since 5 a.m. Why? One word... CHER! The diva beyond all divas is well worth the lost shut eye to see her perform live! While "Closer To The Truth" is the title of her newest album, I hope I can handle the shocking reality sans Photo Shop!

Fact versus fiction
Cher has always been a part of my life. Insulting or not, the fact is I grew up with her. As I've previously recounted, my Uncle Fred adored Cher. I recall many an evening where my Aunt Millie and Ethel chastised Fred for his misplaced affection! While labeled a "tramp",  in reality to us she was a goddess!

Fan tastic
Invariably after the ladies finished vivisecting Cher they would move on to my father's favorite femme fatale... Sally Rand. For those of you who don't know of this "artist", Miss Rand became famous for dancing au natural with only a pair of feathered fans at the 1934 Worlds Fair in Chicago. Over the years she was frequently arrested for her artistic endeavors due to the fact that most considered them indecent.

Foul ball
Later on Miss Rand shifted from
fluffy feathers to bouncy bubbles in
an attempt to clean up her act. I'm
not certain that Howard ever actually
saw Sally perform. That said, he was
a passionate advocate for this shady
lady. Somewhere along the way he
had made her acquaintance through
a friend. What impressed him most
was not her faded physical attributes.
Rather it was the fact that she was
simply a nice lady who slept on his
friend's sofa whenever she visited.

My gal Sal
I highly doubt Ethel was ever actually jealous. Especially of an aged stripper who was grounded enough to spend a night on a davenport. Howard adored his sweetheart and I doubt he ever cheated. Whatever connection he had with Miss Rand was hands off. So, why did the subject come up so frequently? In hindsight I think Dad just enjoyed occasionally yanking Mom's chain. Now that's love!

7th Day Surprise - Darling Girl

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Margaret Jordan Clark

After all these years... still smiling!

Wishing you fun, joy, happiness and health.

So proud of you!

Love, DAD

Elise Lenore Clark and her Aunt Margaret - September 21, 2013

Rise and shine!

Wake up call
My mother was up early almost every morning. A devoted spouse, she would send Dad off to the bank. In reality she was NOT a morning person. Every dawning day Ethel wandered the house bumping into the walls once Dad finally left the house. Even on occasion crawling back into bed. Breakfast was not important to Mother. However her pot of dark black coffee was cherished.

Morning drill
I don't do breakfast. Well... at least not during the week. I tend to be an early riser. However like Ethel that doesn't mean I'm fully functional until after several cups of java. Weekdays I have no need breakfast. Yet oddly, come Saturday, I crave nothing more than going out for breakfast!

Sunrise special
Frankly it wasn't until later in life
that I finally discovered the unique
and decadent pleasure of going out
for breakfast. There's nothing more
special than getting up early on a
weekend morning to have someone
else cook for you! From the moment
one enters your favorite cafe, the
savory scent of bacon mixed with
coffee greets you. The best spots
are the most crowded and nothing
validates a morning venue more
than a crowd waiting in a long line!

The Empire strikes
In Lewistown we tend to hit the Empire Cafe for morning grub. While the atmosphere is not posh, the food is great and the service like family. Most important, NO dishes to wash!

Off the grid
I first discovered waffles at the 1964 Worlds Fair. Big, fluffy Belgian Waffles! Growing up the waffle iron was occasionally pulled out as a special treat. However like most things Mother served, they were resembled a square of cardboard covered with syrup! Later on as a divorced father of four I did my best to perfect the art of home made waffles. It's quite an arduous task as the recipe requires beating egg whites before you've fully awakened! L'ego my eggo!

Table d'hote
As an adult, there's nothing
I adore more than a posh
hotel breakfast. Somehow
having your toast presented
in a crisp linen envelope
starts one's morning off right.
Today I'm meeting my former
work wife "L" at the St. Regis.
I can't think of a better way to
spend my morning than with
a beloved friend. I'm certain
that we'll solve the problems
of the world before ten a.m.!

Back in the saddle again...

The long hot summer
Since late April, Frank hasn't
been in New York full time.
During his Montanan hiatus,
we saw each other at least
once a month. It was hard
being apart. I crammed my
calendar with anything that
might mask my loneliness.

Leave of absence
At this point I've spent too much, ate even more, drank beyond my limit, and lost many nights of shut eye. Meanwhile Frank's been busy watching our new home progress, tending his garden, and helping his parents. Now it's time to reconnect, get back into the groove, and enjoy domestic bliss!

For the long haul
Yesterday my beloved made the torturous trek from Montana to Manhattan. Now that our local airport has no flights, Frank had to hitch an ride on a bus to Great Falls. Then wait several hours before he boarded a flight to Denver. After another layover he arrived at Laguardia quite late.

The long and short of it
Today I'll be at the office all day. On his own Frank will readjust to city life. As always, the first thing he will do upon re-entry into civilization is get a haircut. For as long as I've known him he's only happy when Elaine clips his coif. After she lowers his ears, he can have a nice lunch and stroll down Fifth Avenue. After all it's autumn in New York!

Howdy Pardner!
After work we'll meet to enjoy an evening on the town. I can't tell you how wonderful it will be to come home every night to my one and only rather than an empty apartment. One of the benefits of city life is diversity. Therefore the next weeks will be spent dining on cuisine you can't find in Montana! Sushi ASAP!

For my next act...
They say absence makes the heart
grow fonder. While I can't imagine
that my love for Frank could grow
any greater, after this long of a time
apart... I find it's true! Being back
together full time will be glorious.
One thing is certain, with the fall
season in full swing we'll be at the
theater. There's nothing Frank loves
more than sitting in a plush orchestra
seat. The only other thing I'm even
more certain of is that I'll be sound
asleep in the seat next to him!

You animal!

It's a jungle out there.
Working in a large organization can be quite intimidating. People are animals! Therefore we spend most of our days with movers, shakers, and other vermin. Gather a diverse group under one roof and things are bound to get out of control! Tread lightly and carry a big stick!

Dog eat dog
It's funny. The older I get, the wiser I realize my Father was. Early on in my career, Howard gave me this advice - "People are like animals. Once you figure out what species they are... it's easier to tame them." Over the years I've used this approach and it works! Put a leash on it!

King of the Jungle
As a leader you have to strut your stuff. There's always a king pin who majestically rules over the rest of the bunch. I'm not liein' when I warn you that while they seem tame, they might lash out at you. So, the best thing to do is to stay out of their immediate reach whenever possible.

Nine lives
Never trust this crazy cat for anything. They're totally self consumed, sneaky, unreliable, and yet able to survive almost anything unscathed. Most important, know that trying to get them to align is virtually impossible. Just occasionally stroke them and hopefully they'll take the bait!

Totally nuts
Frankly, some of your top performers can be more than a little squirrely. When given a task they will scurry around and do almost anything possible to maximize their results. While their pace is frenetic, you know that when times are tough, you can tap into their hidden stash.

The elephant in the room
It's obvious that they're oblivious to everything around them. These doddering duds plod along unintentionally wreaking havoc wherever they go. But please beware, given their truncated approach, one can easily be crushed under the weight of their cumbersome execution.

Mooooove it along
If nothing else they're reliable. They travel in packs and will go anywhere and do anything you tell them to do. Warning: never assume they can think for themselves. Simply keep them happy and then milk them for all they're worth. And remember... that's all of their worth.

On the hunt
Prey tell me why does anybody ever trust these fellows? Pretty to look at, they're always ready to pounce on you in a nano second. Just watch your back and never give them anything that could give them a competitive edge. Otherwise your kindness may bite you in the ass!

A total zoo
The next meeting you're in, rather than keep your head in the sand, identify the species around the table. Trust me - this is not a flight of fancy. It's easier when you know what type of bird you're up against. Slowly you'll tame those wild beasts and ultimately rule the roost!

Ever wonder?

Be prepared
Remember when your Mother cautioned you to wear clean underwear "just in case"?! I don't know about you but sometimes I ponder what might happen if I never woke up. Admit it... you've all thought about the same thing. The uncertainty of what the future holds is motivation for one to keep things in order. Where did that warped perspective come from? I wonder... 

What if? 
My father was constantly worried about what might happen and finding ways to avoid it. No matter where I was going, Howard always had at least fifteen potential disasters brewing in his mind. Dad would spew a plethora of warnings every time I went anywhere. As a child I couldn't understand where he was coming from. As an adult I realize that he had suddenly lost a daughter at age fourteen. No wonder...

Oh no!
Ethel rarely had anything good to say about anything. Particularly late in her life, Mother thrived on the negative. An avid follower of the news, there was rarely a time when she shared an inspiring story, rather one only heard about the most gruesome of recent events. Most shocking, Ethel didn't think she was a downer, just a realist. Upon reflection, Mother's world completely changed with the great depression. She lost her father, home, and way of life.  No wonder...

Past imperfect
Like it or not one's upbringing does influence their future perspective. Unwilling to embrace fear and negativity, I choose to focus on what will rather than might happen! I'm fortunate in that my deep set parental rebellion fueled my positive outlook versus negative myopia. Otherwise I'd now be a worrisome doomsayer. No wonder...

Ever the optimist 
Frank's a half empty, I'm a half full. I boldly (and often blindly) go where no man has gone before. On the other hand, Frank methodically evaluates every step he takes. Neither of us are wrong and fortunately, together we seem to be more than right! When we balance our priorities, we succeed. No wonder...

A matter of balance
The fact is one should think before one leaps. Tempering optimism with a touch of skepticism is not a bad thing. We all need a little yin and yang. In the end one handles life's challenges the best way one knows how. As I've gotten older it's harder to throw caution to the wind or to remember to wear clean underwear. No wonder... I don't.

Don't rain on my parade...

Rainy season
After four years in Dallas,
I forgot about rain. As fall
is slowly descending upon
New York, it rains almost
daily. Sporadic sprinkles
mean one can't plan. I must
admit to resisting carrying the
necessary accoutrements.
There's nothing worse than
dragging an umbrella on the
subway. Except being caught
in a downpour sans rain coat
and a big bumbershoot!

Storm watch
Is it me or has the weather gotten
weirder? We never used to
experience the radical shifts we
now see almost daily. It seems that
no matter where one lives there's
more than a chance of abnormal
storm activity. Mother Nature is
ready to unleash her power at
almost anytime. My prediction is
WATCH OUT!

Ebb tide
My last night in Montana we
dined in Billings. Suddenly a
storm unleashed it's wrath. Rain
and hail flooded the streets.
Within fifteen minutes it was over.
However there was no way to get back to our hotel. After several attempts we sat down until the flooding subsided. Proof that Mother Nature is still in control.

Just add water
Last week I dined with dear "M"
al fresco. While the sky looked threatening we opted to eat out rather than in. Almost immediately thereafter, all hell broke loose with thunder and a downpour of epic proportions. Situated under a commodious umbrella we bravely stayed put as it got worse and worse. Poor Jean Carlo had to dart in and out of with a tray over his head to serve our supper. While rather odd, it was a lovely yet damp evening.

Weather update
I shouldn't complain. Why not enjoy the autumn weather? Soon it will get messy. There's nothing like a Nor'easter with horizontal rain and puddles the size of Staten Island. All
of a sudden being sodden
by a shower sounds swell!